She takes just like a woman,
yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman,
yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.

--bob dylan

Yuck. It's been a rough week.

Silent calculations follow insincere performances that scream of desperation. Are you guys even having any fun up there? You'll never make it, but you don't like to think that way.

Sometimes I wonder what my room would be like if there were curtains on the windows. As it is right now, it reminds me of the broken buildings gaping with injury and exposed to the elements.

you'd be her's, if only she would call

Apparently I'm meant to be the DEFENDER OF THE FAITH. Oh yeah. that's me. I almost think it'd be fun, you know to piss off all the nazi religion teachers I've had (you know who i mean) by becoming legal council for the vatican. And just pleading guilty to everything. haha. In italian of course. What would Dante think of that? What would Johnnie think?

AWW. Talk about wonderful. My roomate, and good good friend, christina is wonderful. Just when I'm feeling low, wondering where all my friends have been... she IMs me to invite me to lunch at the round grill with her and ali g.
Mariah Carey sings Always Be My Baby in the background and spirits lift in quite unexpected delight.

I'm not always a great friend, in fact I've been called a really crumby friend at different moments in my life. But I'm trying.

I had a really good conversation with my grandma on easter, because I got there before the rest of my family. I'm really glad I ended up going. She made me feel better about alot of things. It's nice to know that everything can fit together without the pieces killing one another. Thanks grandma. =-)

Alright. I've put art history off enough-- time to get down to this wicked business, Defender of the Faith style!

I came back to get you at that place
so I could breathe.

happy belated bday vincent!

Rubrics are for assholes who can't recognize quality when they experience it, they need a checklist to convince them. I'm not sorry. It's true. Some days are fights I'm annoyed I even have to submit to. Rubrics are for lazy people who aren't interested in exploring the thought-constructions of others, unless they can easily standardize and evaluate them with their cookie-cutter approach. I tend to default respectfully to the evaluation of the teacher, but I'm not interested in allowing that consideration to the other chuckle-heads in my class.

If you can't tell, I'm still upset. I can't seem to relax. I'm really tense too. Mallomars hit the bottom of my stomach, but they don't seem to quiet the torrents wipping around inside me.

I am a visitor here, I am not permanent. That helps a bit. Heh, somehow the idea that this woman is just one of the many lame teachers I'll have to tell stories about when I'm grown (and feeding my irritated and stressed daughter mallomars) comforts me.

Tonight when I fall asleep, I hope to drown in a van gogh sky. ;-)

I'm eating well. Cup is doing fine. Hoping danny doesnt eat all the mallomars.

In my teaching class we have readings to do, and one-page response papers due weekly. For the first three weeks, these papers were submitted online and graded by the TA. However for the next two weeks the papers were submitted online but also peer-reviewed in class on the date they were due. Out of 5 points, on the first three I recieved all 5's. However on the two papers reviewed and graded in class by my peers I received a 4 and then a 3. The teacher admits to not having read those papers. 4 out of 5 translates to be an 80%, and 3 out of 5 translates to be 60%. Clearly I will have to write more papers to cancel out the low 3, as that will hurt my grade for the course, but my real problem here is not the time I'll have to spend bringing up my grade, but the discrepancy between what the teacher felt was a perfect answer, and what my classmates felt was unsatisfactory. Plus, should the other students in my class, who perhaps have not received a 5 by her standards, capable of giving me a 3? It also doesnt seem fair because depending on who grades what paper, the paper is going to be evaluated differently... and so the person grading my paper is not also grading everyone else's paper, applying the same subjective rubric analysis. So here is the comment that my teacher made on the web discussion board in response to people's public complaints about the unfairness of the system in place:

You are expected to LEARN from the process. You are taking the class to explore
teaching. It seems like you are more concerned with numbers than the quality of your learning experience. What will you do when you have 40 papers to grade? What will you do when your superiors are more concerned with your students test-taking ability than with their ability to know, remember and use what they've learned? These are the sort of things teachers are often evaluated on. What is more important to you?

People who don't write 5 papers can still recognize a paper that is better than theirs when they see it. They can also use that experience to write better papers. Additionally, when I was grading the papers, people were expected to use the comments I gave them to improve their papers. Some did.

It is easy to gripe and complain, but I am expecting you to act like future educators (and adults). No grading system is perfect. If you have a way of improving something from this class, them talk about it constructively and with concrete ways of improving it.

What about those who don't have any problems with the peer reviews? Aren't their
concerns important as well?

--------------
I had already written her an email, unaware of this discussion board, in which I expressed my discontent with the process. to which she said that I should see the discussion board. Upon reading it, I issued this public response. Yeah yeah i know... don't write when ur angry... but its just so hard not to. lets hope i dont fail?

---
I'm frankly insulted that people who have a care about the grades they get on the
coursework they do, are being chastized for 'being all about the grades'. I work hard,and expect that my work is going to be reviewed and graded by my teacher. Do I mind if the other students read my papers and offer constructive criticism? Not at all, but do I believe that my grade should be determined by how well they feel I follow a rubric? No,certainly not. Were this a free institution I might expect a little less, but as I pay for my education, I expect that the teacher hired to guide and instruct me will honor that and take the time and energy to evaluate the hard work I put into this class, herself. She doesn't have to meet with me outside class, or call me on the telephone, she just needs to do the job she's hired to do. And if I'm coming off a bit crass, well I'm sorry but I don't appreciate insults and chastizing, and believe they don't belong in a college teacher-class relationship. I don't feel that I can honestly give anyone less than a 4 if they speak english and submit something they've obviously thought about. If that's cheating then maybe I, like other students, should not be responsible for grading.

--
I just received her response to this, after also getting my grade for my team teaching presentation on monday. We got a 60. Needless to say I was pretty ticked off because this rubric system is really harsh. I mean, two kids gave us 8's. (out of a scale of 20... that translates to a 40.. yeah, i dont think those kids realized they were dishing out the equivalent of a 40.) so here u go.. followed by a terribly caddy response. I think i now hate this woman.

Genevieve,
I did not insult anyone for expressing their opinions. I also do not appreciate being insulted, regardless of my title. I will not address your personal attacks except to state that they are immature. I will, however, clarify the issue of the peer evaluations (which you've only had two of).
I mentioned both times in class that I was instructed to do peer evaluations by my
superior. With that foreknowledge, you needed to reconsider your comments about my
job requirements. Genevieve, if something has recently upset you, it is best to write your thoughts about this issue after you've had time to calmly address both sides (especially if it was something different that upset you).
Anyway, I have given, and continue to give, everyone the opportunity to discuss their points of view. I only asked that you be constructive. Your comments today do not seem to be. In the two classes, when I opened up discussion specifically about improving the course, not many had anything to say. I even suggested that people write their suggestions and constructive thoughts to me. I did not get any such communications (anonymous or otherwise).
Additionally, in case you or anyone else misunderstood me, I do not think less of you because you care about your grades. I do, however, think that you should also care about learning.
You mentioned in your statement that you do not like to be graded according to how you fit on a rubric. However, that is exactly how all of your papers are graded, whether they be graded by me or by peers. The rubrics are developed according to the assignment description on the syllabus. I also asked people if they thought the rubric was fair or if it needed to be changed. I did not get any response.

--
my response:

I'm not sure whether or not I was in class the day you opened the floor to discuss our constuctive opinions about the class. Perhaps when you were referring to the "gripes" and "complaints" I misunderstood you and thought you were discouraging critical feedback. Here are some of the problems with this course as I see them:

-an unencouraging amount of busy work such as small group discussions that last over
45 minutes

-over-use of a rubric style of evaluation that instead of providing standardization to what would otherwise be a subjective task of grading, introduces a black and white, almost scientific approach to weighing self-expression and topic reflection.

-extreme decline in the quality of the readings from interesting and engaging toward
unstimulating readings

-over-use of peer evaluation as a system of grading, not a system of constructive
criticism.

-lack of organization around the school observation placements

---
CAN I TELL YOU HOW PISSED I AM. god help me

you dont know anybody that could be
so bad
but if you did you'd be wondering where
I'm at.

I'm a big fool.
sometimes i feel like my life is an accident. all the good things fade away leaving nothing for me to find comfort in but my own failings and insecurities. there is no one out there who can reach out to me, no creed that grounds me, no thoughts to direct me. happiness is fleeting and at best just another jelly bean sweetening the few brief moments until the root canal begins. Everyone has someone else. I'm a cup with a hole in it. I leak despite the nots in my stomach.

can you even think of a reason anymore?

just when i thought i knew what i wanted, i get so close.. and the rug slips beneath me and I land face down in a pile of my own humiliation. you can nip and tuck and diet and dye but when you look into the mirror, the tears on ur face give you away.