When its your birthday, when the day actually arrives...
You kinda want the whole world to explode
or something to come crashing down around someone closeby,
to make them stop everything and realize... Holy Shit today is your
fucking birthday isnt it? And if you're anything like me,
and it's been your birthday for 53 minutes already
and the world still hasn't exploded/imploded/disappeared into a wash
of Blood Flame and death...
You start to wonder if really it wouldnt matter at all if you were
delusional and a butterfly dreaming you were a 23 year old girl
on her birthday because its all the same really, you sentimental sap.
So if something incredible were to happen (and now it'd only be incredible
because of this statement) or perhaps...
I should be more confidant in my own gut feelings
and say "if something incredible IS to happen, and my ceiling falls
down on my head tonight as I dream about philosophers and butter knives-
Well then won't I be the smuggest little lady on line at the pearly gates.
Or perhaps elsewhere since I'm pretty sure I wasn't to church
at all while I was 22 so I doubt it'd be so smooth a ride
for me to stroll up (up) now that I'm 23. Anyway, it's my birthday. Get Excited.
Or dont. Cuz today is like any other day. (when the most delightful little
irish girl named genevieve purcell was born in new brunswick nj
to neil and sheila in the early afternoon time) gnite scouts.

If I were to get a tattoo, I might get the word Cielo. The word Ceilo means the sky. More than anything else I've ever known, the sky has always been a source of wonder for me, whether it be watching over the ocean, or pulling away reluctantly from the mountain peaks. The sky always asserts itself, but it does so the way a much larger animal would around completely deferential creatures. It is its own world, almost indifferent to that going on below. It has its own life, its own movement, its own temperment and reactivity.

One of my favorite things to do is to drive down the new jersey turnpike and open the window so that I can feel the wind and enjoy the expanse of sky that seems to drift over everything passively but uncompromisingly.

I have to go shower, tonight I'm going to the opera with my dad. Tomorrow is my birthday. It strangely doesn't seem right. I hope everything works out. haha

I quit my job. I quit my job. I did it. I loved this job at first, it was fun and I got to know lots of really great people who were motivated and positive and kind. But the negatives of this job soon began to outweigh the positives. I had no time for my family or friends, I had no money to eat or to take a sick day, and I was surrounded by an environment where people cheat charity in order to get ahead.

The VP called me this morning to try and convince me to stay with the company, whether that mean I move to another location or try my hand at nb again. He really doesnt want to see me go. He's a nice guy that I admire alot, but I dont think I could stay after everything that's happened.

So now I'm looking for a job, and taking my meds to get better. My birthday is saturday and I'm excited about that. NO matter what I do, I'm going to be better about calling and talking to my friends and family. I'm ready to get serious about working, but I have to also look out for me.

so if i've been a shitty friend (and i probably definitely have) I'm sorry. I'll be better.

-send me some love.