Under Control

I don't want to waste your time,
I don't want to waste your time.
I just want to say -
I've got to say,
We worked hard, darling
We don't have no control
We're under control

I don't want to do it your way,
I don't want to do it your way.
I don't want to give it to you, your way.
I don't want to know...

I don't want to change your mind,
I don't want to change the world.
I just want to watch it go by.
I just want to watch you go by.
We were young, darling
We don't have no control
We're out of control

I don't want to do it your way,
I don't want to do it your way.
I don't want to give it to you, your way.
I don't want to know...

I don't want to change your mind,
I don't want to waste your time.
I just want to know you're alright.
I've got to know you're alright;
You are young, darling
For now, but not for long
Under control.

--The Strokes

Yes and the concert certainly was NOT under control. Good thing we had many useless things with us. After that whole thing was over and we were finally home I thought my legs were going to burn off.

I dont know why I called him. He wasn't home so he couldn't tell me what I wanted to know. Maybe because I missed him, maybe because I doubted my own ability to navigate the train station, maybe I just thought he could calm me down. But I couldn't be calmed until I was on the right train speeding home.

Yes, I knew that my mother would not look kindly on my brother and I, and because she has more control over him... yes control again folks (that song rocks)... well since she has more control over him, he'd be sure to get it worse. Sure enough.. the school day that my mother promised off (tomorrow) is going to be quite 'in-cession' as he will be attending despite the previous agreement.

it was a pretty good time tho. 2 openers.. the first being Sean Lennon (danny had separated from me for a little, just out of earshot. later he remarked to me that "wow that's a made up name". he didn't realize who he was. hehe)and the second being Adam Green or something. He was an oddball.

Danny got pushed up against the gate and was able to grab J-dawg the lead singer's hat from the floor where it had fallen during the show. Dan gave it to me, so I'm pretty excited about it. =-) brothers are the best.

damn. i was trying to finish this post so i could publish it at 12:51, but that isn't going to happen now.

Some weird guy and his wife cut in front of me, and his wife felt guilty and asked me if i would like to sit on her husband's shoulders. she assured me he would let me. when i realized (quickly) that she was serious I wasn't sure whether to laugh or run. I did neither. I politely refused, assuring her that her big hairy husband was quite welcome to stand right in front of me for as long as he wanted. i thought she was gonna pinch my cheeks. better than him i guess.

this really tall and thin guy stood next to me for the entire strokes set. he was really nice and before they came out he crouched down to my eye level and gave my his sympathy for not being able to see. He then told me that most people hate him because he's so tall. It was a perfect moment to be insightful and spout some fashion of tolerant wisdom, but all I could come up with was "it's alright, I don't hate you." he thanked me for NOT HATING HIM... sigh.. and then i made him promise to elbow me when the band came out. he was nice enough to do so, and proceeded to look out for me for the rest of the show. He would look down every once in a while and ask me with a thumbs up if i was ok. and he never stood in front of me, even when i left room. it would have been nice to know his name, but nicer to have known his company.

btw- when i first saw him i turned to elizabeth and said "oh no, that guy is huge.. if he walks over here I'm elbowing him". or something like that. yeah im really nice right? jesus i'm just as bad as the rest of them.

short people got no reason to live.

but the strokes were kool.

=-)

I didn't write this. Though I wish I did. It captures quite rightly the way I've felt just a little while ago. And no, this is not about saying goodbye to college friends who you feel like you've known forever. This is about real friends.

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a story of a night : we stand in open doorways, darkness on either side, framed in a different shade of inky black than the rest of the night. our hearts want desperately to feel, but instead we hunker down inside of our leaf-filled dens, drinking deep, breathing smoke, and we call it home. we have hopeless plans but instead we call them dreams.

we walk in lines, out in the dark of the nighttime forests, connected in this brotherhood, unable to speak but forever able to understand the languages of breath and pulse. the music of a sunrise begins to pick up velocity, and the first red threads of sunlight braid themselves through the land, forcing out a night. we look at each other's faces barely able to remember a name; unable to forget a face. we were phone calls, we were letters, we were holes carved in trees, we were places to sleep inside of one another. now we feel like criminals. frauds. fakes. and cheats.

on your way out of town, will you look back, zooming past a wesco, past a blur of a subway, of a clothing store, of a renovated office-building? will you look back, and with your glorious, flaming eyes, erase everything we made in youth? will you reduce this green to ash? will you tear phone numbers and addresses from your memory, let them loose on the wind? all the while, ignoring the heart inside of you that pleads no no no just as we do? a memory so inscrutable.

hands washed of everything, you begin again.
this is something terrible, unforgivable.

-- a friend named jonas
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