keep a fire burning in your eye
pay attention to the open sky
you never know what will be coming down

i dont know what happens when people die
cant seem to grasp it as hard i try
its like a song i can hear playing right in my ear
that i cant sing, i cant help listening


-jackson browne


Work has been cancelled today due to a lack of interest. To be honest I just want to be out of here and in law school already. I'm antsy and depressed and life is just a disappointment right now. And I'm taking it out on other people rather than realizing that the person I'm really upset with is myself.



I've had a really shitty year. So have a lot of people. I think this year in general needs to just die a fiery death. I thought I'd be with joe on new years eve, and we could start things over. I would have liked that. Instead of that, I'll be starting the new year alone. Unlike some other people who are really excited about being single for new years, I am scared. It is just one day, but in anticipation of it, its a big deal. I'm tempted to not do anything for new years, but to sleep through it. Or to go somewhere far away. To get a tattoo or to write a letter to everyone I've lost this year.



I think I might like to change some things about my life. Maybe I'll go to church this sunday. I'm not sure if it will help, but maybe it'll give me a moment of something familiar and supportive. I need to read more. I need to read the paper more. Without the bliss and thoughtlessness that love gives, my life has some pretty big holes to be filled.



ps- i got a jens lekman cd for christmas