Some Song

It's a junky dream, makes you so uptight
yeah, it's halloween tonight and every night
hear you scratch your skin, your sandpaper throat
you're a symphony man with one fucking note

--elliot smith

In honor of halloween... boo

"I ain't scared of no ghost!"

I Don't Know Why

I don't know why
The sky is so blue
And I don't know why
I'm so in love with you
But if there were no music
Then I would not get through
I don't know why
I know these things, but I do


I don't know why
But somewhere dreams come true
And I don't know where
But there will be a place for you
And every time you look that way
I would lay down my life for you
I don't know why
I know these things, but I do


I don't know why
But some are going to make you cry
And I don't know how
But I will get you by, I will try
They're not trying to cause you pain
They're just afraid of loving you
I don't know why
I know these things, but I do


I don't know why
The trees grow so tall
And I don't know why
I don't know anything at all
But if there were no music
Then I would not get through
I don't know why
I know these things, but I do
I don't know why
I know these things, but I do

--S. Colvin

Ah, to have soo much work to do, and to be doing none of it. I need a moment here, to reflect on life and lessons of the day. What have I learned from it all?

So the big philosophical question is..... heh.... how do i know if i am now the same person i was when this body got out of bed this morning? What makes me, me? Is it some non-physical and therefore undetectable soul? If so, what is to say that its the same soul I had before? Is it my psychological self, my development and progression? Or is it my memories that justify my belief in my self? Or is it something else entirely?

Descartes said that the only fundamental and undeniable truth is that we are thinking
the thoughts we are thinking at the moment we are thinking them. So that kinda makes the "if you remember doing it, it was you then as you are now" argument seem somewhat sketchy.... cuz afterall... even without the presence of alcohol people forget what they do all the time. What did u have for lunch on September 3rd 2003? How about 2001?

So yeah, I don't even know if I was the person who started this blog... and thats not such a ridiculous thought, because afterall.... some of my blogs (while not yet worthy of the title: "uncomfortably deep") usually require some "mental gymnastics". haha

So because I have to pee, and because I have to write an expos paper.... (two very natural and ultimately unavoidable facts of life...) I'm gonna end this here..

lets hear it for Venetian Cinnamin coffee and russian commuters with lipstick cars!

"Boris Dah-ling..."


Ying and Boris.... could life get any more interesting?

hehe i've befriended such skeptics, but honestly they sought me out

Its funny though, because these guys are both in my world lit class (and boris in my philosophy class/recitation) and neither of them are going for either. Ying is totally into chemistry and all that science stuff... and Boris is into math, and wants to be a math teacher. How could it be with all of the students here at rutgers I've found myself 2 kool guys, who seem to think highly of me, who are into math and science?

I like to think of myself as the anti-science/math.... but the men in my life refuse to let it be.

And ya know what else is funny... i sent ying (the chemistry/physics/science nut) a note in class and signed it G... well he gave me this really confused look and later on the bus asked me why i put a G and not a J. And upon hearing that my name was genevieve --he laughed. Can you believe that? YING laughed at my name. His defense was that his is a foreign name and that mine sounded like a drug store (ex: genovese). I told him mine was french, but he then he was only more confused, cuz then i told him i was irish... i just had to shrug my shoulders. it isnt easy being me

and boris is an interesting creature as well.... crazy math major in his second year. He's in my philos class and sits next to me in recitation... he's always got such crazy ... or rather, off the wall remarks and opinions and otherwise points of view. It used to annoy me because i thought he just wanted to feel important for having a different (seemingly impossible) view. He's got great articulation/diction.... (yeah i know im a dork)

alright back to work...

"In M. de Nemours's view, balls
are the most unbearable things for lovers,
whether their feelings are returned or not.


.....He claims that, if they are loved, then they
have the annoyance of being less loved for several
days. There is no woman who is not too preoccupied
with her dress and toilet to think about her lover,
it consumes all her thoughts. And this concern is
with how she appears to anybody, not only to the
person she loves; when she is at a ball, she wants
to be liked by everyone who sees her, so that if she
is pleased with her appearance, she experiences a
pleasure for which she is not mainly indebted to her
lover. He also says that, when one is not loved, the
pain of seeing one's mistress on such public occasions
is even greater:


....the more she is admired by others, the more one
feels the misfortune of not being loved, and constantly
fears that her beauty will inspire some more fortunate
passion than one's own. In short, he considers no
affliction comparable to that of seeing one's mistress
at a ball, except knowing that she is there, when one
is not there oneself."


sigh... love, so true and yet so ridiculous. I just finished reading this book last night, and having just written a paper on the 'patiens of lovers'. (The suffering of lovers) It wasnt the worst paper I've written either. Well if I had known how choc-full of the suffering of love this book was going to be, i might have held off on it.

The notes to this book say that the main message it is trying to get across is :Some things are better left unsaid. But there has to be more to it than that. I think it extends further to a statement about what people are able to handle. And what is just too much for them to chew. Or that true virtue suffers from the mistrust of the un-virtuous(?)

Maybe its a statement about how young beautiful people are cursed above us all. That young beautiful people can never rest in love. But then again, I dont think anyone who is young gets to rest in love. I think though, that if the love lasts, then eventually you could hope to find some rest in it.

Or maybe its a statement about love itself. Maybe its just another general statement about how love sometimes creates its own problems and that its the people who ruin love, not that love is evil in itself.

All of these could be convincing I think, but one of them has got to be more right than the others... I guess I'll find out in lecture if I'm on the mark or not.....

anyone wanna make a friendly wager?