Epitaph

Please don't leave me wanting more
I hope you never die
There's no need to say why
Just promise that you'll try
To give me all you can
I'll never ask for more

There's a new life thru the door
A cradle rocks and falls
Cements the melody
Our troubles passing

Through decaying, simple times
I'll tread on your tail with pride
C'est maintenant decide
I've nothing better

Please don't leave me wanting more
I hope you never die
There's no need to say why
Just promise that you'll try

I wish there was someone I could talk to. 'I've been thinking about times before' and those people who have been someone to me. I was thinking about Naz Farm a lot today. I thought about Pete and how I managed to show him the most wonderful side of myself and still manage not to win him over. So maybe thats how those things go... maybe under the most ideal circumstances things still arent possible. Maybe it goes to show that even when everything is perfect I can still find a way to want more. I dont know what it goes to show...

I need some excitement in my life. I want to feel stable. I know those two thoughts sound somewhat contradictory... and thats what im talking about. I dont want people to worry about me anymore. I need a major attitude adjustment. Cuz I am ruining things for myself left and right and if something doesnt change Im going to self-destruct after I slowly isolate myself from everyone I care about. I can feel it happening. I dont want life to be so serious.. so intense for me anymore. Im tired of having things bother me. I would love to have just one full day of "happy". Just one day that I can look back on and say "whoa if that can happen once, life cant really be all that bad".

But seeing as any day with sochor is a battle I seem to lose.... my "happy" day will have to be on a weekend. =-) Im not really holding out much hope, but forget it. This choppy collection of attempts at something is not impressing me much. file me away.

You can shrug your shoulders at a story like this and dismiss it as an oddity - just one of those wacky things that happen once in a while and have no real meaning or relevance to the real world.

But the fact is that there are a lot of Americans who think (when they think at all) that the Bill of Rights is nice and all that, but if I am late to work because of some damn protester then the government needs to do whatever it takes to make sure it never happens again.

In Singapore you can do hard time for dropping chewing gum on the sidewalk. Law and order prevail and everyone makes a bunch of money there (used to anyway) so nobody minds that it is essentially an authoritarian state.

Isn't it a pity that just now, when the US is on top of the world, with nobody to challenge us. With our cultural, financial, and military power dominating the entire planet. At this time when the success of our American way of life is so clear to every human being alive today - we are completely indifferent. We go to war over practically nothing - unless you believe that Saddam had more to do with 9-11 than say our allies in Saudi Arabia - essentially because we are too busy or too lazy or too irresponsible to consider the facts.

The Republicans will soon be outnumbered in this country and their only power will be in the judiciary branch, which they will pack heavily with Republicans over the next 2 years (God forbid 6).

But at the rate these guys are going, two years will be enough. If in two years, an article like this one doesn't seem laughable anymore, then the Bushneviks will have won their revolution and the American Way will be whatever W says it is.

And you better not complain - like some kind of unpatriotic terrorists.

It was always such a pain to have to study the Constitution and the Bill of Rights anyway...

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Oregon Law Would Jail War Protesters as Terrorists

April 2, 2003
By REUTERS

PORTLAND, Oregon (Reuters) - An Oregon anti-terrorism bill would jail street-blocking protesters for at least 25 years in a thinly veiled effort to discourage anti-war demonstrations, critics say.

The bill has met strong opposition but lawmakers still expect a debate on the definition of terrorism and the value of free speech before a vote by the state senate judiciary committee, whose Chairman, Republican Senator John Minnis, wrote the proposed legislation.

Dubbed Senate Bill 742, it identifies a terrorist as a person who ``plans or participates in an act that is intended, by at least one of its participants, to disrupt'' business, transportation, schools, government, or free assembly.

The bill's few public supporters say police need stronger laws to break up protests that have created havoc in cities like Portland, where thousands of people have marched and demonstrated against war in Iraq since last fall.

``We need some additional tools to control protests that shut down the city,'' said Lars Larson, a conservative radio talk show host who has aggressively stumped for the bill.

Larson said protesters should be protected by free speech laws, but not given free reign to hold up ambulances or frighten people out of their daily routines, adding that police and the court system could be trusted to see the difference.

``Right now a group of people can get together and go downtown and block a freeway,'' Larson said. ``You need a tool to deal with that.''

The bill contains automatic sentences of 25 years to life for the crime of terrorism.

Critics of the bill say its language is so vague it erodes basic freedoms in the name of fighting terrorism under an extremely broad definition.

``Under the original version (terrorism) meant essentially a food fight,'' said Andrea Meyer of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), which opposes the bill.

Police unions and minority groups also oppose the bill for fear it could have a chilling effect on relations between
police and poor people, minorities, children and ``vulnerable'' populations.

Legislators say the bill stands little chance of passage.

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woo woo i should drop this article in mr spike's classroom and see if by 4th period he isnt ready to kill someone. =-)

Goody Two Shoes

with the heartbreak open
so much you can't hide
put on a little make-up, make-up
make sure they get your good, side good side

if the words unspoken
get stuck in your throat
send a treasure token, token
write it on a pound note, pound note

goody two, goody two, goody goody two shoes
goody two, goody two, goody goody two shoes

don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
you don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
subtle innuendos follow
there must be something inside

we don't follow fashion
that would be a joke
you know we're gonna set them, set them
so everyone can take note, take note

when they saw you kneeling
crying words that you mean
opening their eyeballs, eyeballs
pretending that you're Al Green, Al Green

goody two, goody two, goody goody two shoes
goody two, goody two, goody goody two shoes

don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
you don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
subtle innuendos follow
must be something inside

no one's gonna tell me
what's wrong or what's right
or tell me who to eat with, sleep with
or that I've won the big fight, big fight

look out or they'll tell you
you're a "Superstar"
two weeks and you're an all time legend
I think the games have gone much too far

if the words unspoken
get stuck in your throat
send a treasure token, token
write it on a pound note, pound note

don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
you don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
subtle innuendos follow
must be something inside (he's hiding)


Dont drink, dont smoke.... what do I do? I have come to the shocking realization that for all the thinking I do.. there are things I just never ever think about. I wouldnt say that I live a sheltered life, but I guess more sheltered than some. I like that I am this way. I think its a solid characteristic. At the same time Im not saying that Im Sandra Dee or any crap like that, but I'll admit that there are a lot of things that shock me.

I have a bit of a headache.. so this blog that right now has the potential to be somewhat decent will fall short of that expectation. I guess these are thoughts for another day.

don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
you don't drink don't smoke - what do you do?
subtle innuendos follow
must be something inside (he's hiding)

The War Prayer
by Mark Twain

It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The country was up in arms, the war was on, in every breast burned the holy fire of patriotism; the drums were beating, the bands playing, the toy pistols popping, the bunched firecrackers hissing and sputtering; on every hand and far down the receding and fading spreads of roofs and balconies a fluttering wilderness of flags flashed in the sun; daily the young volunteers marched down the wide avenue gay and fine in their new uniforms, the proud fathers and mothers and sisters and sweethearts cheering them with voices choked with happy emotion as they swung by; nightly the packed mass meetings listened, panting, to patriot oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of their hearts and which they interrupted at briefest intervals with cyclones of applause, the tears running down their cheeks the while; in the churches the pastors preached devotion to flag and country and invoked the God of Battles, beseeching His aid in our good cause in outpouring of fervid eloquence which moved every listener.
It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way.

Sunday morning came-next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their faces alight with material dreams-visions of a stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender!-then home from the war, bronzed heros, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory! With the volunteers sat their dear ones, proud, happy, and envied by the neighbors and friends who had no sons and brothers to send forth to the field of honor, there to win for the flag or, failing, die the noblest of noble deaths. The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation -- "God the all-terrible! Thou who ordainest, Thunder thy clarion and lightning thy sword!"

Then came the "long" prayer. None could remember the like of it for passionate pleading and moving and beautiful language. The burden of its supplication was that an ever--merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them to crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory -

An aged stranger entered and moved with slow and noiseless step up the main aisle, his eyes fixed upon the minister, his long body clothed in a robe that reached to his feet, his head bare, his white hair descending in a frothy cataract to his shoulders, his seamy face unnaturally pale, pale even to ghastliness. With all eyes following him and wondering, he made his silent way; without pausing, he ascended to the preacher's side and stood there, waiting.

With shut lids the preacher, unconscious of his presence, continued his moving prayer, and at last finished it with the words, uttered in fervent appeal,"Bless our arms, grant us the victory, O Lord our God, Father and Protector of our land and flag!"

The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside -- which the startled minister did -- and took his place. During some moments he surveyed the spellbound audience with solemn eyes in which burned an uncanny light; then in a deep voice he said

"I come from the Throne-bearing a message from Almighty God!" The words smote the house with a shock; if the stranger perceived it he gave no attention. "He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd and grant it if such shall be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import-that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of-except he pause and think.

"God's servant and yours has prayed his prayer. Has he paused and taken thought? Is it one prayer? No, it is two- one uttered, the other not. Both have reached the ear of His Who hearth all supplications, the spoken and the unspoken. Ponder this-keep it in mind. If you beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain upon your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse upon some neighbor's crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it.

"You have heard your servant's prayer-the uttered part of it. I am commissioned by God to put into words the other part of it-that part which the pastor, and also you in your hearts, fervently prayed silently. And ignorantly and unthinkingly? God grant that it was so! You heard these words: 'Grant us the victory, O Lord our God!' That is sufficient. The whole of the uttered prayer is compact into those pregnant words. Elaborations were not necessary. When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory-must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!

"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle-be Thou near them! With them, in spirit, we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it-for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.

(After a pause)

"Ye have prayed it; if ye still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits."

It was believed afterward that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said.


ah yes.. see you at bible study

Be warned.. what you are about to read might influence you in a way you are uncomfortable with.
First I'll give you the commentary (response paper of sorts if you had bwicke) that I got from someone I really respect. I read the article as well... but I think you can get the same idea from the commentary. If you would like to read the article I have it posted down the bottom. =0)


COMMENTARY

There are several interesting patterns that emerge from this analysis and yield thought-provoking insights into how Americans see issues, reach political decisions, and present those decisions to the world.

For example, one interesting fact is the divergence between the opposition to the war espoused by most churches in the US and the generally supportive view of the American public - a public that generally admits to belief in God and participation in organized religion, yet appears largely to disregard the positions taken by church leaders in the question of war / peace.

Another interesting bit is Mr Bush's evocation of God and evil in the way he presents the war / peace issue to the American public and the world. It is clear from his rhetoric that he finds justification for his policies in his religious beliefs, and indeed his church and other evangelical Christian groups do support the path he is taking, in contrast with the Catholics and mainstream Protestant churches. So we now have a Republican coalition of right-wing (and overwhelmingly white-wing too) churches standing in opposition to the Catholics, mainstream Protestants and those of us who tend to vote Democratic, including overwhelming African American representation.

Perhaps the most important insight from all of this is that Americans in large numbers are not really thinking hard about the moral dimension of the war/peace decision. Indeed, if this is true, I suspect it is an insight into how little we as a nation are today comprised by people who weigh the important decisions and public policy issues in moral and ethical terms - or even apply any rational basis to such matters. Rather, it seems we are a herd of emotive followers who tend to swing back and forth with the breeze of who's hot and who's not - of what is popular and successful and feels good - in short, we are the most powerful nation on the planet and we are steering by whim and fashion and passion.

We are a drunk on the road in a sixteen wheeler, careening about at top speed, threatening every living thing in our path.

The world has a right to expect more of us.

We have been given a gift to be born in this great country - we have no right to this inheritance. We could just have easily been born in the West Bank or Basra. But we have been lucky and for that gift of good fortune we owe a debt to those who are less fortunate.

That debt is really quite immense. Taking full account of it would require us to become saints. This might be more than most of us are prepared to commit, but that does not allow us to dismiss the debt entirely.

At a minimum we must respect that debt by seeking to be fully educated about the condition of the world, to be fully educated in matters of moral reasoning, to be fully aware of the suffering of others, and to be fully engaged in lives marked by compassion and understanding and reason.

We have no right to be so ignorant and emotional, so self-centered and indifferent, so morally obtuse and irresponsible.

We have elected men who represent the very worst of all that is wrong with our country, and they have shamed us by their actions. The world may very be better off without Saddam (how could it be otherwise), but I do not believe we can make a better world in this manner - not while our hearts and minds have been disengaged from the values and moral reasoning that have guided us in the past. No doubt we have been wrong before, even when we tried to apply those values and reasoning, but it is clear to me we cannot hope to do better when we abandon those important guides to our decisions.



Here is an article from the new york times... =-)

Religious Leaders Play a Part in Shaping Views on War

March 22, 2003
By PETER STEINFELS

The United States has probably never gone to war with less backing from the nation's religious leaders.

There was a pattern to the statements issued by major religious groups after either President Bush's ultimatum or
the beginning of combat: prayers for the safety of American troops and the Iraqi people; laments that efforts to
prevent war had failed, with neither Saddam Hussein nor the United States spared from responsibility; admonitions that the war be conducted with every effort to avoid civilian casualties, provide humanitarian aid and lay the groundwork for regional peace.

Spokesmen from evangelical Christian groups like the Southern Baptist Convention and the Lutheran
Church-Missouri Synod, as well as the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations, endorsed the administration's belief that war could not be delayed. Most of the other groups stuck to their previous positions and questioned the
necessity of unilateral military action at this time.

So much for the leaders. Do their positions affect ordinary Americans in the pews? A poll of 1,032 adults taken last
week by the Pew Forum on Religion and American Life and the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press turned up some fascinating though ambiguous findings.

Sixty percent of those responding favored military action against Iraq, although only about 40 percent said they
would be in favor if the United States had to fight without major allies.

Contrary to the idea that clergy members assiduously skirt controversial subjects, 57 percent of those responding who regularly attend services reported that their own clergy members had addressed the prospect of a war with Iraq. But of those clergy members who spoke on the war, 60 percent did not take sides, according to the worshipers' recollection.

The position of those who did take sides generally reflected the position of their national leadership.
Evangelical Protestant ministers were five times as likely to favor a war as to oppose it. Their mainline Protestant
counterparts were far less likely to take a position from the pulpit, but when they did, it was almost always against
a war.

Roman Catholic priests were more likely to declare a position in the pulpit than were mainline preachers but
less likely to do so than evangelicals; when priests did so, they were nearly all opposed to an attack on Iraq.
Black church leaders were by far the most likely to declare their position, and seven times as likely to be against the war as for it.

What was the biggest influence on respondents' thinking about how to deal with Iraq? Forty-one percent of those
polled said it was what they had seen or read in the media, while 10 percent said it was religious beliefs. Sixteen
percent chose personal experience, and 7 percent named the views of friends and family.

Yet when asked a related question on what degree of influence certain groups had on the way respondents viewed
the Iraq question, the pattern became more complicated.

More than half of the respondents said friends and family members had either "a great deal" or "some" influence.

Political commentators were in second place, with 43 percent of respondents saying they had "a great deal" or
"some" influence. Political leaders came in third (40 percent for Republican leaders, 35 percent for the
Democrats), and religious leaders were fourth, at 33 percent. In a distant last were Hollywood celebrities, with
7 percent.

Looking only at the groups having "a great deal" of influence, 11 percent of respondents named religious
leaders.

That ranked religious leaders below friends and family (14 percent), tied them with Republican leaders but placed them above political commentators and Democratic leaders (both 7 percent) and Hollywood celebrities (2 percent). On the other hand, except for the celebrities, religious leaders were also the group named most often as having had "no influence at all."

These findings suggest several interpretations: First, that a major gap exists between outspoken national religious
leaders and the more circumspect clergy members in the pulpits. Second, the impact of religion and religious
leaders on an issue like Iraq is modest, limited to about 10 percent of the population.

"On balance very few people say their religious beliefs are shaping their views on Iraq," the survey's sponsors
concluded.

Those interpretations, however, do not take into account many religious traditions' moral teachings about going to
war and how they shape people's consciences.

The churches and movements that judge all warfare immoral are a distinct minority. Most religious groups advocate
moral principles about using military force, like the notion of a just war, that require complicated, informed
judgments about political and military factors.

If believers turn to news reports, political commentators or party leaders for assessments of those factors, is that
really an alternative to shaping their views on the basis of religious beliefs, or is it simply a necessary part of
putting those beliefs to work?

The same recognition that moral principles cannot operate in a vacuum may affect what clergy members say or do not say from the pulpit. Many who have spoken about the war without declaring a position for or against may simply be aware of the complex political judgments that individuals must make to apply their faith's teachings, and they may also believe that ordination does not necessarily better equip one to make those judgments.

Suppose that observant Americans reported that their thinking about a question like Iraq was influenced simply
by religious beliefs and not at all by news reports and political commentators?

Should religious leaders who advocate a religion-based morality on warfare that requires serious weighing of
political and military factors be pleased by such findings?

Not, it seems, if those religious leaders are to be true to their own traditions.


thats the end of the article... i know it was all very long, but i found it interesting... so i share it with u. feel free to share with me.

Running

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side

Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love

Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated

Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

(The future)

I heard this song today. Its been that kind of day. Not in a bad way though. It was actually a really good day until the play started. I actually didnt want to be there. Once I was there and it all started it was nice, it was just a different feeling today. None of my family were in the audience, which kinda let me down a little. I've been spoiled I know, but I really like letting the people I care about into the play cuz its so important to me. Its such a group effort that I share in the pride and embarassment of everyone else. But my family had other things they needed to do, and honestly I understand that. I just wish they had been there.

I spent the day with joe for the most part. I kinda get quiet around people I dont know (*yes thats the shy me everyone sees in school) But I wasnt scared of anything.. i just didnt have anything to say because im boring. Its the truth, I wish I were more exciting, but in truth I can barely accomplish one task at a time.. so its either feeling how things are or thinking about things. Seldom do I attempt it and even more rare is the occassion when I succeed at it. But I thought the day was fun, Im glad I got to go. =-) (and we went to The After... eat ur heart out 113)

After the play was weird. I kinda wanted to go out ... ( i really didnt want to go home ) but then when we got "out" I didnt really have a good time. Maybe I wasnt trying, or maybe I was in a funk... who knows really.

So I went through my normal cycle of gen today. I showed almost all of my colors.. it was insane.

-excessively happy and silly
-smitten
-thoughtful
-excited
-sexy
-disappointed
-nervous
-introspective
-insecure
-tired
-sad

thats roughly my cycle, and if you spend enough time with me you'll have a front row seat to view all the wonderous phases I go through. Who knows why... all i know is that little things can drastically shift the progression of the cycle in either direction.


MISTER CELLOPHANE

If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his keg
You'd notice him

In someone in the movie show
Yelled "fire in the second row
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone get noticed now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!

A human bein's made of more than air
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there
Unless that human bein' next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You know who...

Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.


gnite