goddamn generalizations
displaced anger
memories you just want to forget
dreams that hurt to remember

i dont feel good.

no one can make me fall in love like frank sinatra can make me fall in love.

unfortunately for frank sinatra, he makes me fall in love with someone else.
and this one goes out to the darling i'm lovin.. after 24 hours of no you, i'm thinking bout snoo.

I thought about you.

i took a trip on a train
and i thought about you
i passed a shadowy lane
and i thought about you

two or three cars
parked under the stars
a winding stream
moon shining down
on some little town
and with each beam
the same old dream

and every stop that we made
oh i thought about you
and when i pulled down the shade
then i really felt blue

I'd peak through the crack
and look at the track-
the one going back to you,
and what did I do?

I thought about you.


there is something about a little email, a captivating toad, a spacious twin bed, and a late night blog entry that reminds me of the marvel that is the long(er) distance (than desired) relationship.

I should be going to sleep. But the way I feel right now, about things- about life- about me... well they're hard to pacify.

My father seems to believe that I could be a great minister, if given the opportunity. Truth be told, I think I could be too. I'm flawed, and doubtful, and oh so insecure-- but when it comes to spirituality, I think I'm not to bad off. Personally, I'd rather have someone rich in spirituality speaking to me, than have someone indoctrinated with religion.

maybe thats why i want to teach english. heh. who am i kidding, I'm sure thats why I want to teach english. I want to do more than just influence people's conscious foundations, I want to shake them down, and call them accountable to their shadow foundations and to the holy assumptions on which they are based. and all the while, i take no holier than thou attitude, or traditional divine authority. no one goes to hell for raising an argument or thinking im full of shit. maybe just a short detention. hehe.

and all the while I'll be me. full of the tragedy of human existence. heartache and headache and red runny nose. i'll be the kind of leader that people choose not because of my regal stature, or signature hand gestures.. but because my entire existence screams complexity, struggle, contradiction and puzzlement. and tell me, wouldnt you be drawn to a leader with such strong qualities?

-- ok here is the main point of my blog... dont scroll/blink you'll miss it.
hey toad, i could use some help here....

:::::::::::::::::::::::HYPNO TOAD :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I love you Joe.