Here Comes The Sun

Here comes the sun,
here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Little darlin' it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darlin' it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Little darlin' the smiles returning to their faces
Little darlin' it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Little darlin' I feel the ice is slowly meltin'
Little darlin' it seems like years since it's been clear
Here come the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Here come the sun, here comes the sun
It's all right, it's all right

--George Harrison

I need to learn my lines. This entire day has been a mistake. I think i need to go out.

All around me I see what weakness has made

Too much tomorrow I think I'll take all today

Am I a poison, Am I a thorn in the side

I don't need the weight of words to find a way to crash on thru

Here I slumber to awaken my daze

Am I a prison, Am I a source of dire news

In this time of substitute it's my needs I've answered to

You're all I need when the water runs deep

Now I cry my soul to sleep

Why complicate the beautiful with mention of the clutter?

I have a lot to learn.

I don't want to like myself sometimes, cuz everyone else seems to. And then when they don't, again I'm confused.

I'm troubled and I dont know why.

I think too much.

Sometimes the most natural acts can be the most powerful. When you wake up in the middle of the night and you throw your arms around me and you kiss me- and then roll back to sleep, you've said everything. I've said everything.

I try so hard to find the words, but the words arent substantial enough to carry my meaning.

I'm very negative.

No, I don't think so.

I'm confused

I'm scared

I'm here.

I see it, I do

You will be kicked in the nuts by wild horses

when you have bad dreams ... trust

are you homesick

are u memorized

we're late

i'm late

falling to her knees she's tripped out on reality

i'd hold the heavens open for you if you'd only look my way

have a magical day

this is a wonderful paper

organization

STOP-that tickles

be better than him

just try to be more open

genevieve, that is a beautiful name

so what do you think about memory theory?

i want to say hello to gen and boris out there

ya gotta be careful with those russians

he's debon, debonai, debonaire?

cruton revolution

you have the best laugh

i like your hair

i love your hair

why did you fuck with your hair?

sociology isnt real, but the grade is

is it just me, or have these people never been in class before?

fuck toma

seamstress for the band

no one reads it all

no, i do

jesus freaks

i have butter in my eyes

put a steak on it

my goldfish died-put a steak on it

farewell and goodnight

If you think you already know

I am jack

I am somewhere

I'll call

wait

Kathy's Song

I hear the drizzle on the road
like a memory it falls
soft and warm continueing
tapping on my roof and walls

And from the shelter of my mind
through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain drenched streets
to england where my heart lies

My mind's distracted and confused
my thoughts are many miles away
they lie with you when you're asleep
kiss you when you start your day

And the song I was writing is left undone
I dont know why I spend my time
writing songs I can't believe
with words that tear and strain to rhyme

And so you see I have come to doubt
all that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
the only truth I know is you

And as I watch the drops of rain
weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
there but for the grace of you go I

--Paul Simon

i had bad dreams all last night

the kinds of dreams that dont involve violence, but more like watching the people u love slip away. Confusing dreams involving people I care about acting weird. Family and friends estranged and cold. The kinds of dreams that make you feel hollow, and at the same time, full of hurt.

I woke up several times, once I must have been so upset in my dream that i reached out, and when i did, i knocked my computer off the desk. I caught it right as it hit the floor, and then went right back to sleep, but i can't remember what was happening to cause that. Everything in my dreams were so real, that i had to ask whitney if i really had knocked my computer over, or whether that too was a dream, i just couldnt tell.

Ever since I woke up this morning i've wanted to set things right with people. Last night hurt so much, and it was subconscious, so it isnt something i can avoid anymore. My body and my mind demand me to set things right. I am obligated by reason to at least try.

Today is a long day for me, hopefully not as long as yesterday, but I plan on doing alot. Unfortunately there arent enough hours in the day, or moments in my waking that I can hope to acheive all that I do regardlessly hope.

So many things have happened recently that I guess I shouldnt be shocked entirely at my disquieted sleep. But I dont know of anything more disturbing than thinking so hard about the people who mean so much to you and feeling nothing return to you. I don't really know how to make these thoughts stop, but I know that I'm not well.

I don't want to be alone. I guess I'm scared that I'll go to sleep tonight, and they'll be waiting. Its kind of like when you go to sleep and you dream that someone you love died, and you wake up so upset by it that you have to talk to them right away and make them feel your love. Its something so desperate, so alive, so afraid. And all of a sudden all of the mistakes of your recent past come up and present themselves for what they truly are, and all your pride vanishes away and you just want to be at peace and be forgiven.

But you can't take back the past, you can only hope in a better future. Lately I've been guitly of short-sightedness and selfishness. I've wanted for myself and concerned myself with the occurences of barely a week ahead of me.

I realize that my problems are not as big as I have lately been making them seem, and now here I am, alone in my room waiting for time to tell me to move on. There is something helpless about having to move on. But like I said, there isnt enough time in the day, or moments enough for the possibility of peace, and so I have to go catch a bus to philosophy.

If i could hear your voice, telling me it'll be okay, I might just listen, and it might just be, okay.



-i just missed the bus

Cuz the best you can, is over-kill
so just do it like you know
just know me like you do
and i wont ask for more
than all you've got to give
so you just make me know
that i'm the only one for you

no cheesy comparison
to some celestial body
cuz they can't hold a candle
cuz dear they don't have hands
but if they did have hands
they'd envy mine in yours

you cripple me with reason
as you hold me safe inside our world
looking in your eyes i see my future
and lost in your happiness
i find my own


-- not much of a song, but it's got potential.... eh?

Between the Bars

Drink up baby
Stay up all night
With the things you could do
You won't but you might
The potential you'll be
But you'll never see
The promises you'll only make

Drink up with me now
And forget all about
The pressure of days
Do what I say
And I'll make you okay
Drive them away
The images stuck in your head
People you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Drink up baby
Look at the stars
I'll kiss you again
Between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there
With your hands in the air
Waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time
And I'll make you mine
Keep you apart
Deep in my heart
Separate from the rest
Where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot
The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

--elliot smith

I'll get through somehow, but I really didn't want to lose friends over this. I thought we could talk about it, I guess I underestimated my own need for comfort and support and in acting upon that betrayed some trust. For that, I am sorry. I didnt mean to betray anyone's trust, I just needed someone to talk to, and only have a few good options.

Friends are people who hurt you sometimes. Some people have trouble being friends, usually for reasons more complicated than one blog can do justice to. Words fall short.

Where's my cold drink of water?

Mindless messages to faceless lovers. I can assume that they are young and beautiful although I've only their words to represent them. Still there is something alive in the way that they go back and forth, something young and beautiful.

Real rock stars write waltzes.

write me a pop song... i want to sing and dance... everyone needs a bga musical.


Speckles17: what do u think i'd be like drunk?
zeroglass45: probably just like the rest of your family.
zeroglass45: really funny.


----spoken like the boy who loves me

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,

She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,

She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,

And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden

then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding,

But she brings out the best and the worst you can be

she comes to me when i'm feeling down,
inspires me without a sound
she touches me and I get turned around

--billy joel


love is a woman. god is love. god is a woman. seems like a cymbal train to catch. ;-)

Billy Joel is just so fluffy that I dont see how anyone could listen to him and remain angry at the world. If not billy joel, I'm sure everyone has that one artist that they are somewhat ashamed of, but will sing along in the car given no one is watching.

Things are going downhill. I knew they would eventually, but those things never come at a good time. Last night I was so exhausted. I ended up not finishing my paper until 4, which gave me 7 hours to sleep, but I was soo tired it was ridiculous. Thank god its only a rough draft.

Its monday... i need to start memorizing my lines, and i need to plan out courses for next semester... ugh
why cant everyday be my birthday? Don't tell me I'd stop enjoying or appreciating it, cuz i think i would... yes sir.. i would. =-)

We're Not Gonna Make It

We're not gonna make it
No, no, we're not gonna make it
'Cuz there's a million better bands
With a million better songs
Drummers who can drum
And singers who can sing

Deep in my heart,
I do believe

We're not gonna make it
No, no, we're not gonna make it
'Cuz we don't have the talent
And we don't have the time
And we don't have the patience
And we don't know how to rhyme

Deep in my heart,
I do believe

We're not gonna make it
No, no, we're not gonna make it

Said no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
We're not gonna make it

---The Presidents of the United States of America


THE "THINGS THAT SUCK" LIST:

computers
math
science
not having money
buying gas
doing expos
driving all over
drinking flat/warm soda
lotsa distortion
emo
"def" anything
boys
females


sigh... i like lists