There has been a lot of fighting going on today. My mom and my step-dad, my mom and my brother, my mom and myself, though we are a little less yelling and a little more scolding. My mom is having a rough day. But then again, so is josh. And then again, so am I.

Rod is coming back tonight, dan wont be back for days, and so I'm keeping to myself. Maybe it's selfish of me. Maybe I should be with josh right now, but honestly I don't feel like if I was with him I'd be able to help. My mom needs to go out and do something. Maybe I should take josh out for hot chocolate. That's a good idea.

"you stand around your haunted home
those demons wont leave you alone"

coincidence that i found this song on my desktop, couldnt remember what it was, and it has so much relevance?

I feel like calling maggie. I miss her. I'm glad its christmas and i'll see everyone, though i wish i had more money and could have gotten them nicer gifts.

okay im hating myself every moment im not getting josh hot chocolate, so i'm off.

I'm sitting on my bed. I havent blogged in a long time it seems. Out front my step dad struggles with a feisty snowman that glows with seasons greetings. Danny is out visiting friends I assume, since last I heard from him he wanted to borrow the car, and when I got home from work both he and the car had left not a trace to be found. I've been in a pretty shitty mood with everyone since I started working. Its something I'm taking to heart, that I was angsting for a job and now I'm angsting over it. I hate my boss. I can understand her persistent worry for the quality of our work, I often feel the same way when I'm forced to delegate but I am of the understanding that I have people skills, and a bit of tact when it comes to constructive criticism and the reasonable frequency with which it should be administered. My bo.... supervisor is lacking in these departments. She is the president of the passive-aggressive department however and has a PhD in terrible build-break-build transistions.

Carolyn (my fellow slave) and I joke that one minute we are "doing an excellent job" and the next we are "seriously disregarding her instruction" (well maybe not me, she likes to nitpick carolyn). We joke that she gives out cookies laced with expectation. I'm not sure if we've expressed that clearly, but somehow it seemed right. I find myself extremely stressed out (my boss does sit in the cubicle right next to me) when I'm making calls.

She isnt in tomorrow though ( Im pretty sure) so I'm looking forward to enjoying my tea and a little less stressful a work environment. I'm still looking.

There was a lot I wanted to say here. So much has happened. An enthusiastic return. Confusion, stress, secrets, family, money, christmas, friends, pain, worry, strength, cookies, drama.

Next entry will say more. Goodnight.