By My Side

dont you get ahead of me
and i wont leave you behind
if you get unhappy
wont you show me a sign
theres no love like lost love
and no pain like a broken heart

promises, promise is only a word
and when softly spoken, is never heard
and a heart is not a stone
and it's fragile, it's fragile when alone.

by my side. by my side.
wont you be by my side?

oh my care for you
is from the ground up to the sky
its over under up above
down below and to the side
theres no use in pretending
no use in saving face
for my love is never ending
and you are my saving grace

by my side. by my side.
wont you be by my side?

--ben harper

Realizations and revelations come at a price. They challenge us to be more than we were in our ignorance, or our denial. So here I am, awaiting the trials and challenges of the rest of my life, but moreso the next few of the immediate future. They don't have names, or times, but they are bound to come, as they always do, and now that the sting of realization has been mourned and the humbling began, I have no choice but to undertake a change.

You are the promised kiss of springtime
that makes the lonely winter seem long
You are breathless hush of evening
that trembles on the evening of a lovely song

You are the angel glow that lights a star
The dearest things I know, are what you are

Someday my happy arms will hold you
and someday I'll know that moment divine
when all the things you are
are mine.

I'm feeling pretty good. times are as they are, and for once I'm going with it. my body can't seem to repair itself to completion, but isnt that what ibuprofen and a raspberry iced tea chaser are for?
Heh, there is nothing like a good long conversation.. did i say conversation i meant debate with the only person who wants to understand what you're saying more than anyone else... besides yourself.

They're the best because you're not just being polite to one another when you think they're dead wrong... you're caring enough to try to understand them over and over again until you get to a point where you can reconcile your feelings. and if the conversation is long enough, and you leave all outside props (like bibles and dictionaries) aside, you can get to that point and it's a good place to be.

note to the wise: don't say "i dont want to talk about it, i just want to forget about it" unless you want to hurt someone's feelings. because it's a shitty thing to say, and ultimately you don't want to say shitty things. they only make everything else just as shitty. now that i've said shitty three... err four times in one paragraph.. i can die happy.

"the closer im bound in love to you,
the closer i am to free."

yeah, today feels like it could be a good day. I hope katherine calls. i've really missed her this year. i can't believe i've gone an entire year without her. no wonder i had so many problems. losing a best friend is like losing a part of me. i dont know if anyone else understands what thats like. i hope not.

"No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself."
- Sunan (Islamic tradition)

I just read that, and of all the quotes on the page I found that one most striking. It was prefaced by "just another version of the golden rule"...but i think it is much stronger than the golden rule. It takes a rule, and it translates the action, the attitude being taught into the effect it will have on the enriched believer. And it shows the relationship between action/attitude and one's self to be just as close and important as I think it really is. It kinda reminds me of that dittie "and they will know we are christians by our love, by our love"-- yeah I always liked that one. Cuz it wasnt "by our obedience" or "by our righteousness", but "by our love". and afterall isn't that the right way to live?

I sure hope so. Cuz it sure isnt the easiest.

More often than not I've failed at this. It requires just the right balance... because its not loving someone more than yourself- not really anyway. It requires loving someone the way you love yourself. It's not self-depricating in any way. I think the golden rule that I grew up with always had that ring of servitude in it by listing loving yourself last... they definately stressed loving god more than anything... as if in real life there should be different degrees to which you love things.

I don't think thats real. I think you should love yourself with all your heart and all your soul and all your might just like that prayer says you should love god. i think you shouldnt love god more than you love me. i guess thats the bottom line really. every last one of you should love me as much as you love god. and i should love myself that much too. because if you loved me as much as that prayer says you should love god... well then there wouldnt be war, or hate, or anything but goodness and by damn if that doesnt translate into loving god with all your heart and soul and might than i dont know what the hell anybody cherishes that prayer for, cuz it seems to me like you and I are the ones in need of the great loving.

alright well i think i may have turned into my father for a few minutes there, though I can't claim to have done it as eloquently as he. anyway, too much heavy thought for the night and now i'm off. goodnight all.