(due to blogger doing my blog update last minute, this should have gone out yesterday.. bear with me)

SPARKLING DIAMONDS
The French are glad to die for Love...

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
But diamonds are a girl's best friend

A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental
On your humble flat or help you feed your mmm pussycat

Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end
But square-cut or pear-shaped these rocks don't lose their shape
Diamonds are a girl's best friend...Tiffany's...Cartier...

Cause we're living in a material world and I am a material girl
Come and get me boys!

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Hehe.. I could use some diamonds right about now... after the day I had. Babysitting does not look like it is going to be the easiest thing I've ever done. How many hours of dirty looks and "for cryin out loud, get out please" can one girl take? I guess it comes down to this.. how much money can buy one persons self-esteem? I spent 9 hours there today, from 8-5. I came home so fried I wanted to cry. Every once in a while I'd do something perfect and they'd be all over me laughing and filled with the moments joy. Chasing bubbles, drawing with chalk on the driveway, making play doh cakes, and the winner for the day being spun in a circle by their hands as if they were flying. All of this plus kit kats for breakfast and blues clues mac n cheese for lunch do not spell "happy children" well it does, but not for 9 hours unfortunately. I am not enough, and am too much at the same time.. in the words of meghan.. "just leave.. why dont u just leave, please?". Thanks meghan, at least we've established a promising relationship.

Oh and they dont like my singing. I couldnt even sing "just a spoonful of sugar" to myself without hearing "be quiet please" from the kitchen table. =- ( meow

Im talking to mike again. Im interested to see whats going to become of our promising relationship. Figuring him out hasnt been easy.. maybe this will help me get a clue.

i wish i was Princess Lolly. She looks so happy in candyland. I think i could pull off a "lolly". Thats what I would want to be named if i were animated. Its so endearing. Its musical. "Lahlee" =-) ya know, i've looked on the internet to see if there are any songs by my name. I think there are 3. One of them is "genny" and it isnt a love song I dont think. Another is genevieve and thats a weird one too about a girl who reads alot and goes to sleep to continue living the stories in her mind... and the last is the one my grandfather used to sing to me the chorus is:

"Oh genevieve sweet genevieve
The days may come the days may go,
But still the hands of memr'y weave
The blissful dreams of long ago"

Its sweet. But Im sure if I were to look for songs about Lolly.. i'd find millions of heart-breaking love songs.
(Did u know that the group that did "oh mickey ur so fine ur so fine u blow my mind hey mickey" were called "lolly".... oh yeah)

alright well im going to go...

goodnight scouts

Learnin' the Blues

The tables are empty - the dance floor's deserted
You play the same love song - it's the tenth time you've heard it
That's the beginning - just one of the clues
You've had your first lesson - in learnin' the blues

The cigarettes you light - one after another
Won't help you forget him - and the way that you love him
You're only burnin' - a torch you can't lose
But you're on the right track - for learnin' the blues

When you're at home alone, the blues will taunt you constantly
When you're out in a crowd, the blues will haunt your memory

The nights when you don't sleep - the whole night you're cryin'
But you can't forget him - soon you even stop tryin'
You'll walk that floor - and wear out your shoes
When you feel your heart break - you're learnin' the blues

--done nicely by ella fitzgerald i might say

Ahh the dumped song. Its the song i play over and over when my heart is broken. There is nothing hopeful about that song.. its just what it says it is.

Tomorrow I babysit for the first time in years. And considering that the last (and only) person i've ever babysitted (outside of family) was an infant... two toddler girls should make my life interesting. I might bring twister. I had wanted to bring stickers. I might have to save that for friday tho.. cuz i didnt get any stickers today. Maybe we could paint nails. hmm keep it simple... if only it werent the entire day.

Ok so my friends think im "miss mom" and thats pretty depressing. It was as if they all joined their voices together to tell me im a drag. Considering the relationship i have with my mom.. the thought of being one scares me. I dont intend to go against the way i feel.. but i wish it went over better with them.

Im really tired. My arm hurts. I want more intellectual stimulation. I need to put my restless mind to work on something good.

nothing to win and nothing left to lose

<>goodnight scouts<>

In the still of the night....

I feel like someone has taken my life and washed it. I feel alive and loved. He's so perfect. He held me when I really needed him. "There is a time for words and a time to be far from words."

He leant me a book about jesus through the eyes of a childhood friend. Not a believer, but a close childhood friend. It was a really touching story. So many stories i've been told by staunch believers.. its gets stagnant. but to see jesus through the eyes of someone else, someone who really knew him but didnt believe.. now thats something worth exercising some thought over. It means something more. Yeah I know its fiction.. but then again.. what stories about jesus arent.

So I hung out with my dad for a lil yesterday after the last mass with the Archangels. I had wanted my family to go.. but yesterday was the day for parties (some i was even invited to!) and so I was on my own save dad. Then afterward i met him at starbucks and he had already bought my hot chocolate.. hehe its nice when people remember things like that.. it shows that they care, ya know? Plus, he saved me from having to spend the last 4 dollars I had to my name yesterday.

Im getting tired of this short chain thing.. Day by day my patience dwindles. Yesterday my family went to 2 birthday parties without me. The first one they went to while I worked, and then when I got home they had already left for the second one down the shore. So I had about 40 minutes to myself before I had to be at church to sing at mass, and I had been told to make myself something for dinner because my family wouldnt be back until the evening. But I wasnt that hungry so I figured I'd grab something after church. So after church I drive through BK and while Im waiting in line get a call from my mom... "where's the note??" "mom, what note?" "the note that tells me where u are!" . . . (welcome to my life) "mom im at burger king, and i'll be home in 2 minutes". So I go home and get the cold shoulder for not coming straight home after church and for taking the liberties to decide when i wanted dinner and to not feed myself when she deemed I should be hungry. Sure this sounds petty, but what it shows is that she doesnt trust me, she left me alone one day and as soon as my whereabouts cannot be accounted for she gets pissy. How irresponsible does she think I am? Then after joe and i come back she proceeds to yell at me and be mean to me in front of him for not coming home earlier when i made an attempt to get home early and in truth did come home an hour before curfew. This cannot be interesting to anyone but its good for me.

So now i have to go food shopping with my mom.. cuz thats what i really wanna do. sigh.. oh well

And it looked like such a nice day. A good day for mini golf. thats enough for now.. i need to get away from my family before they ruin my nice feeling.. later gaters

hehe check this out:
Oh yeah.. this is me guys.. the me u think u know.. the me i thought i knew.. its all coming (ahah) to light now..


Tramp Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Honestly

I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe the love you talk about with me
is it true, do I care
honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside
but it's you that you erase

'cause there's no place that I could be without you
it's too far to discard the life I once knew
honestly, all the weather and storms I bring
are just a picture of my needs
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I feel loved, this honestly

I believe you mean the best that life can bring
I believe in it all
honestly, you can try
your heart is just as long as mine
is it ours to let go

'cause there's not place that I could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life I once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself the time
to lead into the life we want
I feel love, honestly
I'll make a joke so you must laugh
I'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
I don't know, honestly
I don't know, yes, honestly

there's no place that I could be without you
honestly

there's no place that I could be without you
there's no place that I could be without you
there's no place that I could be without you
there's no place that I could be without you
honestly

--Zwan

Yes, its true.. I'll never be able to hear another Zwan song without thinking of the boy who is my "sunshine". Wow, 7 months today. That means a month ago was prom... a whole month. If it seems like that month has flown by (like it does for me) then u have some sort of idea how fast these past 7 months have gone. Lets pray for an "endless summer".. shall we? Yeah.. yeah.. yeah.

So 7 whole months and what have i to show for it? Hmm a LAMP! Lets start there.. the gift i never expected was anything more than a threat... but my prince is good about keeping promises. And I have ticket stubs from the koolest concert i've ever been to, and one thats def up there. Plus the countless dirty looks i've received from various directions at different points in time.. life without my boy would be just no fun i tell you! And if a lamp and a ticket stub isnt enough for u.. i have the heart of the most wonderful boy alive.. and i couldnt want more.

=-) So at this point I can barely read my typing because its really early... and my face hurts from smiling at the puter. So Im going to go to bed.. and look at a picture of the boy i love until I fall asleep.

spoons, lamps, hidden comics, the ring, midnight phone calls in the basement, lady and the tramp, pms, the purple box, my poor lip, eating your voice, blockbuster girlfriend rental, ice skating, the one with cars in front of it, mono x2, calm and cool, kind of annoying and overbearing..., "you dont love me--you dont even like me", march, may 16, nov 22, germans dating beneath themselves, swing dancin at prom, how to make a first impression on an older brother-by joe, love 'notes', Monsters Inc, florida, ORANGE JUICE anyone? graduation chords??..hmm =-) ---what does that leave us .. 8 more? standing in the candy aisle at pathmark

i love you...

(aww i wont see u.. but happy anniversary hunnie)

sigh.. i've missed a few. what were they??? hmm