i hate starting my blog with the word "sometimes". I do it so often because it feels safe. It's not all of the time and its not none of the time. Although it is still a generalization, it is not a "sweeping generalization" and inevitably: all statements are generalizations. (just like that last one)

I'm feeling good. I've eaten too much, which isnt why I feel good, but actually just an accurate account of what I've done. I feel good despite the fact I've eaten too much. I feel good because I've been reminded of something very good. Whoever devised the word something should get a penny every time someone uses it. They'd be very rich, and we'd be better spoken.

Everyone is pissing me off.

I need to get out of the house.

I don't want to have to talk to anyone for the rest of the day.

I need to get out of here.

I stayed up till 3 last night because having the house quiet and to myself was just too tempting.

Josh was sick yesterday so people were around ALL DAY
and although he was feeling fine he still had a fever so ALL DAY today they were around too.

How come the longer I hang around the less anyone knows me?

Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses

You're dangerous 'cause you're honest
You're dangerous, you don't know what you want
Well you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
For any spirit to haunt

Hey hey sha la la
Hey hey

You're an accident waiting to happen
You're a piece of glass left bare on a beach
Well, you tell me things I know you're not supposed to
Then you leave me just out of reach

Hey hey sha la la
Hey hey sha la la

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna fall at the foot of thee?

Well you stole it 'cause I needed the cash
And you killed it 'cause I wanted revenge
Well you lied to me 'cause I asked you to
Baby, can we still be friends?

Hey hey sha la la
Hey hey sha la la

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna fall at the foot of thee?

Oh, the deeper I spin
Oh, the hunter will sin for your ivory skin
Took a drive in the dirty rain
To a place where the wind calls your name
Under the trees the river laughing at you and me
Hallelujah, heavens white rose

The doors you open
I just can't close

Don't turn around, don't turn around again
Don't turn around, your gypsy heart
Don't turn around, don't turn around again
Don't turn around, and don't look back
Come on now love, don't you look back!

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna taste your salt water kisses?
Who's gonna take the place of me?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?

--U2

There are lots of people in this world; lots of strangers, and few friends. (thank you captain obvious) But I'm lucky to have some of the best people closest to me. They are natural sleeping pills when they manage to exhaust every ounce of my energy laughing and talking. They are organic crutches when I'm too drunk to stand on my own legs. They are cures, remedies, pharmakon. They are regulators and stimulants, they are people who remind me to eat in good company and beckon for me to sleep in their security. They are kind thoughts when I'm doubtful, memories when I have tunnel vision, and reconciliation when I need to be redeemed.

No matter how far away you are, no matter how cloudy my vision, no matter how worried my thoughts, no matter how dejected my feelings- you are always the miracle drug.

there is no one like you.
there is nothing to fear.
i'm always waiting for you.

always im surprised how well you cut my feelings to the bone.

I dont really enjoy surprising you with my wonders.
I'd rather you already knew them and cherished them.

Ok so another compulsory update, I guess I've been thinking lately. I know I know... why?

I'm glad that all the church-going is over for now. If I had to hear one more time about the True Meaning of Christmas... I think I'd steal the baby jesus and dangle him over a balcony. I don't think there is a True Meaning of Christmas anymore... maybe there is, but maybe it's now just The Original Meaning of Christmas. Either way, I dont much care so long as I dont have to hear about it. I know what Christmas is. Christmas is a time to count your blessings and your dollars and see if you can make right with the people you oughta. It's a time when college students come home from school hopefully to a car that can take them away from their homes as quickly as they came. But anyway. I'm a bit cynical in the mornings.. and since it is 12:25 in the afternoon I guess I should just get on with it and pretend I'm different in the afternoons. ;-)

I was thinking about the christmas presents I have yet to use. The ones that were somewhat thoughtful, and yet still kinda just made up. And so thinking about my own goose egg presents I have to consider the gifts that I've given and if I've seen anyone using them either. As it turns out, half the presents I bought were either gifts for someone else to give someone I already bought for... or gifts that someone else told me I should buy someone. So I'm not really counting those because it's not really my thoughtfulness on trial there. But the gifts I got my mom, my dad, my brothers, christina, joe, and aunt carol:::::: those are the ones in question now.

-I got my mom gold earings which she wears all the time, and so I think, so far, so good.
-I got my dad 2 george carlin dvds and a framed photo of the guys and I, and that was good too.
-I got Jim 2 monty python dvds which he said he'd only seen one of, and so that was ok.
-I got dan the lamest gift, unfortunately I hate to say it. It was a practical one. I got him a 92 disc cd case, however I made him an awesome mix and put it in the first slot.... a mix he's been playing with great consistency: ie: good gift.
-I got christina earings and a necklace, cuz we both knew we weren't getting them elsewhere this christmas.
-I got joe a digital camera, and aside from taking 2 or 3 photos of me when he opened it, he didn't touch the thing until it was time for him to go back to school: ie: no bulls eye
-I got my aunt carol a christmas decoration from hallmark that is a singing snowman and snowdog that shake at the chorus of Jingle Bells. That was a hit, and I got her the anniversary edition of Mary Poppins, which is her favorite movie, at least dearest to her heart. So although I havent seen her watch it, I think it was a very thoughtful gift. heh I would have liked it.

So most of the gifts I gave, at least the ones I'm pretty much responsible for (give or take) were good ideas. And most of the gifts I got were good too. And everyone knows that gifts are the True Meaning Of Christmas.

my cousin is going to iraq to reconstruct their economy.

god help him.

To Keep My Love Alive

I've been married and married,
And often I've sighed,
I'm never a bridesmaid,
I'm always the bride.
I never divorced them-
I hadn't the heart.
Yet remember these sweet words
"Till death do us part."

I married many men,
A ton of them,
And yet I was untrue to none of them
because I bumped off ev'ry one of them
to keep my love alive

Sir Paul was a frail;
he looked a wreck to me.
At night he was a horse's neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive.

Sir Thomas had insomnia
he couldn't sleep at night.
I bought a little arsenic
he's sleeping now all right.

Sir Philip played the harp;
I cussed the thing.
I crowned with his harp
to bust the thing.
And now he plays where harps are
just the thing,
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.

I thought Sir George had possibilities,
but his flirtations made me ill at ease,
and when I'm ill at ease
I kill at ease
To keep my love alive.

Sir Charles came from a sanatorium
and yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink
He's in memorium
To keep my love alive.

Sir Francis was a singing bird
A nightingale. That's why
I tossed him off my balcony
To see if he could fly

Sir Athelstane indulged in fratricide;
He killed his dad and that was patricide
One night I stabbed him at my mattress side
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.

--Rogers and Hart

I heard that song on JS's show today and thought it way too good to pass up. So here it is, for you all to enjoy... well kinda.

One more week and then back to school. One week in which I have to read a bit of the Illiad and a bit of the Odyssey. Right now I have a splitting headache to enjoy. I tried to make plans with katie for monday, but I just remembered that I have work monday night- so that won't do.

Joe's gone back up to school today, so that means I have to sleep in my own bed for the first time in a very long time. The futon is pretty comfortable, or maybe I just got used to it.

If only I had a car.

Steve's eagle ceremony was really nice. He looked pretty happy and so did everyone around him. Back at his house afterward, I met his grandmother on his mother's side and she was a sweet old lady. There aren't too many women in my family like that, they're all a bit rougher around the edges, which I don't really mind- to be honest.

My family went out to dinner tonight at Houlihans or someplace. I didn't go with them because I thought I was going to see Joe before he left for school. And although I'd rather see him, I don't wish I had gone with my family instead of being home alone. My mother has been nagging me so much lately that it's hard to be around her for too long. And although I'm never really around her "too long", I wasn't in the mood to go out to dinner with her.

I got a new phone, but my mother said I had to change my old voicemail message. So I tried to figure out how... and there is no section in the manual on how to do it, and no option on the menu, so I dont know. I dont really know what her problem is. I couldnt really care what it sounds like. But she doesnt seem to realize that nagging me "playfully" is only going to make me resent her for not noticing that I'm working on it.

Alright. Enough for now. My head hurts too much for me to be lonely, or even bored. So here goes the list:

call hurtado monday
call carmel monday
call katie monday
go to work monday
read illiad/odyssey
buy books
talk to general education dept
talk to english dept
talk to comp lit dept
talk to major declaration dept
get a new cord for my puter
pack for school
clean my room

... regain my sanity