Ask Me Why

I love you,
Can’t you tell me things I want to know?
And it’s true that it really only goes to show
That I know that I-I-I-I should never, never, never be blue.

Now you’re mine,
My happiness still makes me cry.
And in time you’ll understand the reasons why
If I cry it’s not because I’m sad
But you’re the only love that I’ve ever had.

I can’t believe it’s happened to me.
I can’t conceive of any more misery.

Ask me why

I’ll say I love you and I’m always thinking of you.

--Lennon/McCartney


ah the trials and tribulations.

damn, the beatles were just crazy good. I hope I dont mention that in ever blog from now on, but what can I say, I'm on a kick. And my space bar is doing that weird thing where when you have a word and you want to put a space before it, it deletes the first letter in order to put a space... talk about annoying. I musta hit some "please annoy me" combination of keys.

Playlist of the moment:

Marvin Gaye: Lets get it on
The Beatles: All my loving
Harry Nilsson: The puppy song
The Strokes: 12:51
R Wainwright: Imaginary love
Al Green: Love is a beautiful thing
coldplay: Green eyes
s. pumpkins: To forgive
B Bacharach/: I'll never fall in love
Elvis Costello
CSNY: Blackbird

All My Loving

Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you,
Tomorrow I’ll miss you;
Remember I’ll always be true.
And then while I’m away,
I’ll write home ev’ry day,
And I’ll send all my loving to you.

I’ll pretend that I’m kissing
The lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.
And then while I’m away,
I’ll write home ev’ry day,
And I’ll send all my loving to you.

All my loving I will send to you.
All my loving, darling I’ll be true.

--the beatles

Ok so I might be cleaning up the stream nearby that is illegally polluted and causing a smell in some parts of our campus and who knows, I might even get an internship. Me. Who knew? I really am going to save the world.

Human evolution however, might stop me from achieving this goal. It seems I'm going to have labs, and an expensive science book, and good god I'm in over my head. Let me just say right now, that if I get through this, and do well-- I'm going to feel invincible. I'm going to be so proud of myself that I'll think myself one of the brightest people I could be. I thought last semester was a challenge. This semester my friends. This semester is what silences the claims of pansy humanities classes and throws soot in the face of elitists all over. I doubt I'd actually throw soot. But its colorful language and why not.

Every time someone asks me to explain what comparative literature entails, I am tempted to describe it the way john did. That comp litties essentially piss all over english majors (slight misquote im sure). But hey, arrogance is an american trait characterizing so many I know, so why not go with it... for the sake of confidence building, that is.

Damn, the beatles really had awesome harmonies and harry nilsson was the man.

"I'm going where the sun keeps shining
through the pouring rain.
Going where the weather
suites my clothes.
Banking off of the north east winds
sailing on summer breeze
and skipping over the ocean
like a stone."

or how about this one.. that he wrote...

"no i can't forget this evening or your face as you were leaving
you always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows.
no i cant forget tomorrow when i think of all my sorrow
when i had you there but then i let you go
and now its only fair that i should let you know
what you should know.

i can't live if living is without you
i can't give, i cant give anymore
i can't live, if living is without you
i can't give i cant give anymore

no way.. not a mariah creation.

ok, now that i've given the man is due.....

adieu to u (hehe that was a pun.......oh nevermind!)

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I like's a little bit stronger
A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

And then there's those other things
Which for several reasons we won't mention
Everything about 'em is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
A little bit deadly

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Sitting here remembering me
Always been a shoe made for the city
Go ahead accuse me of just singing about places
Where scrappy boys faces have general run of the town

Playing with prodigal sons
Takes a lot of sentimental valiums
Can't expect the world to be your Raggedy Andy
While running on empty you little old doll with a frown

You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward
I suggest a reading of a Lesson in Tightropes
Or surfing Your High Hopes or adios Kansas

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Still there's not a show on my back
Holes or a friendly intervention
I'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit Irish
A little bit Tower of Pisa
Whenever I see ya
So please be kind if I'm a mess

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
Cigarettes and chocolate milk


--rufus wainwright

oh yeah... awesome song.. totally stuck in my head.

I ran to my bed to see, to see if I had missed my chance.

I think about rutgers, and I realize that for as much as Rutgers is not a perfect fit for me, I'm afraid there is no perfect fit out there for me. I've got all the wrong curves it seems to fit quite nicely. Maybe there are strings attached, maybe my heart is too busy to find a home here, but I think with time, that'll come.

I cry. I cry often. Last semester was a semester of tears. Self-pity, being lonesome. But kinda like what the dean said this morning hit me close to home. She said that the key to getting through and really being able, is to have faith-boosters or whatever she called them. People that you know that you can call when you're feeling down, and that by the time you get off the phone, you feel better. You know you can get through.

I had to think when I heard that, who those people are for me. Growing up, all I had was my older brother, but he was awesome to me. I really miss him. We used to stay up really late and talk in his room about all the things going on in our world, and it made me feel so much better before I fell asleep. Often, I was caught by my parents and yelled at for being awake, but those are valuable memories to me now. Some people pray to god before they go to bed. I should pray more. But talking to him was the same as praying, it brought me peace.

I'm not without people like that today either. I can't name everyone but ali g sticks out in my mind. Sometimes just being able to relate is enough. Christina is like that too. There are so many people who've helped me. Elizabeth, and those girls who roomed with me in florida were wonderful. Add to them, Ally and Suzanne and Katie S during the musical that time when we were in the gym and I was out of rope (not literally). I just couldnt handle what was going on, and Ally, Ali, Katie and Elizabeth were there to listen and lend me a shoulder while suzanne did her best to keep away all the people who were just interested in gossip.

Sean's a good guy too.. despite how often he is right. =-) And Stephen too. Always around to remind me whats important. And joe. No words do justice to him. so i'll attempt none.

im tired.

He fell in love with shadows
phantoms only he could see
he grew to trust the hauntings
a trust that was meant for me

And as I watched those drops of rain
weave their weary paths and die.
I know that I am like the rain.
There but for the grace of you, go I.

-paul simon


i dont know how to make anyone happy.

its too cold to be here alone.

i dont want to hurt anyone.

i just want to be with you.

i dont need to go to ireland.

i dont need an awesome valentine's day gift.

i just want you to be happy.

my smile refuses to play alone.

I don't want somebody to love me
Just give me sex whenever I want it
'Cause all I ask for is instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure

--rufus wainwright

Oh yeah man. You can have school. I sent danny the lyrics to that song.... yeah he was traumatized for life.

Guru Dude87: gen, i never want to read that off of your IM ever, EVER again
Guru Dude87: ya dig?
craaaziful: lol
Guru Dude87: lol
craaaziful: its a song dan
Guru Dude87: i dont care
Guru Dude87: lol
Guru Dude87: i dont care if its a quote from the bible

hehe sorry dan

I looked into the faces all passing by
it's an ocean that will never be filled
and the house that grows older
and finally crumbles
that even love cannot rebuild
it's a hotel at best
you're here as a guest
you oughta make urself at home
while ur waiting for the rest

--parts of looking into you

More than halfway done with siddartha. I'm scared of my science classes. Plants and People.. ok that one i can handle. But Human Evolution? -- not quite my bag. I dunno, two science classes might be just what it takes to inspire me to go on to become some crazy human evolutionist. Heh, or maybe I'll become an advocate for creationism, ya know for spite's sake....lol

I don't really know why things go the way they do.

shaking like an angry child will, who has asked for love and is unanswered still.

so leave them in their frozen world, come and be my lover. if only for one stolen moment we will live forever...forever