So Damn Lucky


Everything's different just like that

Oh my God, wait and see
What will soon become of me?
Frozen heart
Screaming wheels
Does that screaming come from me?

amazing what a minute can do
Just like you


--Dave Matthews

amazing what a minute can do.

that chick had it wrong... i win

high school is nothing like the movies. neither is college for that matter.
i think i'd like to make a tv show about my college experience though. it'd be called "the real deal". sometimes people would just be bored out of their minds or frustrated by how slothlike i am. thats my goal in life, to bore people into a state of complete understanding. thats why i wanna teach at least.

4 wisdom teeth wisely choosing to come in sideways. isnt that the truth about wisdom though, u never get it straight until it's too late. if i'm scared i'm not letting on.

u know what the oral surgeon said to me .. he said "you have to have them out because they are rubbing against ur cheek, and if that happens you wont be able to open your mouth". sorry doc, ur about 2 weeks too late for that diagnosis. sigh..

i got that hug i was wanting yesterday. =-)
i love you oh so well.

ok.. some insight i came across in my conversation with matt tonight:

"guys are like fish.... the stupid fish that will bite at anything shiny
all u got to do is dangle something shiney and they'll come running"
--matt

"yeah, but i dont like to meet guys that way usually"
--me

"i like to meet them and then reel them in with my gorgeousness
its the sneaky seduction tactic. u use humor to disarm, i disarm with self-deprecating humor. humor is charming, no doubt about it. everybody wants someone who makes them happy. its also innocent cuz who knows.. u could just be a really great guy who is friendly"
--me

"besides i find that higher quality girls are more likely to respond to humor"
--matt

"cuz thats the kind of guy that all girls want around for the most part
some girls want that crazy mysteriously sexy dangerous guy
ya know.. dating him feels like u've taken up smoking.. completely pointless and blatantly irresponsible--and ultimately short lived or self-destructive"
--me
---------------->(don't be embarrassed.. im so clever, i turn myself on)

"i'll give u the secrets of men
it should take about 30 seconds
2 sentences
'men do all things for either food or sex. to understand them u must only figure out which they are working for.'"
--matt

"women want three things:
to be emotionally appreciated, intellectually challenged, and physically cherished
thats about it for women. the trick is figuring out how to do that for ur particular woman"
--me

"but most women dont know what they want
they focus on only one aspect at a time
whatever they need most
and that screws them up"
--me

"i always knew they were screwed up, just never knew why until now"
--matt

"i dunno, to a degree women get duped from childhood
they get sold on the idea of romance and thats all well and good.. but man is that just one shallow dimension of what a girl should be looking for"
--me


i hope u found some of the beneficial...it was a good distraction from my paper which is complete shit. say whats real folks. sleep on needles.

At the Stars

Maybe I should drop you at your door.
Or leave tonight and vanish up the shore.
Anywhere but here.

It's three o'clock we're driving in your car,
You're screaming out the window at the stars,
Please don't drive me home!

Blame us because we are who we are.
Hate us because you'll never get that far.
And who'd suppose that you would go?
I've already learned enough to know.

Tell me all the places we could go.
And count the headlights passing on the road,
A long, long time ago.

Here we are.
Foreign to their world.
Straight and composed.
Your sermons I can do without
And I finally found.
That everybody loves to love you
When you're far away.

Could it be we've done something wrong
We'd make it home to your place before dawn
Please, don't take me home.
Please, don't take me home.

--better than ezra

im on a bte kick right now, a little longer and i'll be an ezralight... i wonder what matt will have to say about that. heh I really don't wanna write this paper. I've got this awesome feeling right now. Natural high I guess. I really enjoy the fact that the people i know are so interesting. I don't know many and the ones I know are just a bit out of reach, but on some strange level we got a common thread.

I wanna do that. i wanna know the insanity of blaze's life without all the hardcore drug experiences. This will be the summer of customization. but now-- a story of globalization

there is no better feeling
than remembering why you fell in love

today a man made me cry

i dont handle anger well at all. i break down. i've learned enough to know when i'm being harrassed. people are capable of great cruelty- over pennies. don't call me sweetheart while you berate me. you haven't earned what it takes to call me sweetheart while you trample my feelings. maybe i could have held my tongue. maybe i should have. but when i think about the situation, and i put anyone else i love in my position... i wouldnt have wanted them to hold their tongue.

i guess every once in a while a girl needs to be rescued. or at least given some validation. im not against being rescued.

wow im wound really tight right now. i guess thats why i cry, to let it go. i don't know how else to let it go.

i know i know. mediation. how about just a hug?

You are Rob Gordon, THE Rob Gordon. You may not be
sunny or simple, but you have damn good taste
in music. You know the difference between a
Frank Zappa original and a rereleased. You
kind of float through life, taking what comes
and making the best of it. You're pretty
secretive, especially with coworkers, but you
have a soft side. You are scared that you'll
be alone, but in the end, it will all come
together.


Which High Fidelity character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


wow i heart xavier rudd...

if i were a king if i had everything
if i had you i could give you your dreams.

if i had it all
i'd fuck it up

--dmb

inspired radicalism, of the liberal variety

grey haired kings
who've never known the fear
of dying a foot soldier

fears, wonderings, desires for adventure. i'm full. I'll throw the rest away. I don't want to play by the rules of CNN speak articulates or the like. I don't want to work my fingers till they are twisted and choking for the air, to touch the birds. In my youth and vanity I want to run and climb and break through to the life that waits for no one and yet is there for us all. I am not a big fish like in the movie, but I know that there is something sweet out there for me. I can feel it. I'm sure.

i'd be so happy if tomorrow on the path someone grabbed my hand and ran as fast as they could across the field pulling me along with them.

I remember running through the wet grass
and falling a step behind
both of us never tiring
desperately wanting
(cuz nothing is better than ezra)


fuck i forgot to study for evolution tomorrow.
forgot?
forgot.

celebrate we will
cuz life is short
but sweet, for certain.