The Last Time I Saw Richard

The last time I saw richard was detroit in ’68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe
You laugh, he said you think you’re immune, go look at your eyes
They’re full of moon
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
All those pretty lies, pretty lies
When you gonna realise they’re only pretty lies
Only pretty lies, just pretty lies

He put a quarter in the wurlitzer, and he pushed
Three buttons and the thing began to whirr
And a bar maid came by in fishnet stockings and a bow tie
And she said drink up now it’s gettin’ on time to close.
Richard, you haven’t really changed, I said
It’s just that now you’re romanticizing some pain that’s in your head
You got tombs in your eyes, but the songs
You punched are dreaming
Listen, they sing of love so sweet, love so sweet
When you gonna get yourself back on your feet?
Oh and love can be so sweet, love so sweet

Richard got married to a figure skater
And he bought her a dishwasher and a coffee percolator
And he drinks at home now most nights with the tv on
And all the house lights left up bright
I’m gonna blow this damn candle out
I don’t want nobody comin’ over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about
All good dreamers pass this way some day
Hidin’ behind bottles in dark cafes
Dark cafes
Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings
And fly away
Only a phase, these dark cafe days

--joni mitchell

I should be asleep.

What a joy it is to be me. I am very well loved by alot of people, all across the world. heh. And I can honestly say, that if I do not love everyone in the world, I do love people all throughout the world. And that is wonderous.

My older brother Jim is not around this christmas, and I miss him. I know that we all miss him, and that I shouldn't feel like I'm bearing any unique burden by identifying it so, but the reality has hit me, shamefully I admit it is quite late.... and I have to wonder if maybe cramming into a pew and gawking at everyone I knew once upon a time as they go up for communion was the way to go. If maybe I would have heard in Father Doug's sermon Jim's name, and it would have hit me a little earlier that it really bothers me, gets me down- that I haven't seen him in so long, even though I am vicariously excited and genuinely proud of him.

but that has also always been the case.

Seeing ali and elizabeth and baking cookies with them and christina was so good for me, so rejuvenating after a body-crushing mind-mangling set of finals. I've also been seeing a lot of my dad lately, and that's been really nice too.

Once again I'm listening to joni, because between joni, jackson, and rufus, I think I could groove the rest of my life away and never get tired of the singing (theirs and mine of course).

joe gave me his presents already. He got me lyrical poetry by dante, short italian stories, the poetry of yeats, and the santa clause II.... which was the movie we went to for our first date. So we watched that tonight at his house, and it was like seeing it for the first time, I had no memory of it. And no, not because I"m some big ho-bag who makes out on the first date, but if you'd been there, i think you woulda fallen in love too. heh. who knew i could be won with a 7 dollar ticket to a movie starring Tim Allen. ah the magic that is feel-good christmas movies. I think my favorite part of that movie was when i reached out and put my hand on his, because that's what he remembers to this day, and for some reason, so do I. love starts with the smallest of affections. And i've been changed ever since. =-)

"when i think of your kisses, my mind sees stars."

ah you tell em joni.


And so now, I am going to bed, because I never stopped believing in Santa. And because no matter how late I stay up, when I go downstairs in the morning, I'll still wish we were all together.

gnite jim

we miss you

glad tidings friends~