The Best of Whats Around

Hey my friend, it seems your eyes are troubled.
Care to share your time with me?
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind?

See you and me have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So can pull on through
Whatever tears at us, whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around.

Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters, that really matters
And hurts not much when you're around, when you're around
And if you hold on tight to what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest.
She ran up into the light, surprised,
Her arms are open. Her minds eye is

Seeing things from a better side than most can dream
On a clearer road I feel, oh you could say she's safe.
Whatever tears at her, whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done,
She'll make the best of what's around.

Turns out not where but what you think that really matters, that really matters, that really matters, that really matters. Yeah....

Hold on... We'll make the best of what's around...

--Dave Matthews Band

So hey my friend. Lately my mind has been troubled. I haven't instantly found my niche or a group to belong to, and I've been the loner far too much to repeat that in college. I also missed most of orientation (or am missing) due to work and stuff. I don't really mind that so much, it kinda makes it easier to reflect. But I do want to make it work. Its almost like time is frozen for me. Suspended. I get a moment to relax after the initial craze. Im going to go back into the craze when school starts. But for the moment: peace

This entry won't be terribly long because I'm in for a reunion. Okay so it hasn't been so long, but I really miss sean.

College life is so .... flexible
even the walls fall down
stop ur homesick belly-achin and
paint a brick for douglass
don't forget how irreplaceable i am
everyone should be miserable for one day because they miss me
then they should have the time of their life (and think of me often)

those are my thoughts of the day. Since time is fleeting, most of my entries will follow that format I think. =-)

there's a place for us

I move in today. Its odd because I move in, but I work this weekend, and friday I'll need my car, so it doesnt really feel like I'm going to be spending too much time there just yet. Not that I mind, I just wish I could have my car on campus. Which all roughly translates to "hey maybe I should be living at home".

But that doesnt even really bother me now, right now I just hope that I like my roomate enough to leave her alone all weekend (practically) with all of my stuff. hehe But then again, maybe I don't have a roomate. I've never actually talked to her. There was some phantom phone call that dan said he took from her but I've seen no proof of it. Maybe I wont have a roomate and then that'd be really kool. Sure I wanna meet new people, but theres something about living with girls that makes me feel more like I'm going to camp than anything else.

Not that I ever really went to camp.

So this is it. This is my last blog entry before I "move away".

I didn't cry last night, I thought I would have. I guess sometimes life is too good to cry.

"the dice was loaded from the start
and I bet, and you exploded into my heart"

Happiness is a thing called Joe

It seem like happiness is jus`
a thing called Joe
He got a smile that make the lilac
wanna grow
He got a way that make the angels
heave a sigh
When they know little Joe`s passing by

Sometime the cabin gloomy
and the table bare
Soon he kiss me and
it`s Christmas everywhere
Trouble fly away and life is easy go
Does he love me good?
That`s all I has to know

Seem like happiness is jus`
a thing called Joe

Little Joe, little Joe... little Joe

-- Yipsel/Harold Arlen

hehe I was looking through songs sung by ella and there was this title and I just had to laugh, not because it was hard to believe, but because it was hard to believe.

Its from some movie...

hehe little.. hehe "im talking down to you" -- not that im making fun of anyone, but its funny.

So here I am again. Talking to all my "college friends" at one point or another today. They are all so filled with joy and excitement, no matter the weather. They all tell me "it's so great". I feel like a child hearing about christmas from an older kid... (on christmas eve)

Tomorrow is my last day of waiting. I don't think my family understands that I'm going to need the privacy that "going away" to school would usually demand- regardless of the fact that they could drop in at any moment with little or no inconvenience to themselves.

No I will not be coming home every sunday for sunday dinner.

Will I want some ties to my home planet every once in a while... yes. I will want the luxury of my car and enjoy that luxury more than most people "going away" to school.. but at the same time thats going to be another challenge.

They say that high school is the best 4 years of your life. Now I realize that the word "best" doesn't mean "the most totally awesome" but rather, "better than the others". Lets hope these college years will flow more nicely. I think they will.

I can feel the sun on my face- even though Im only dreaming.

The Other Woman

The other woman finds time
to manicure her nails.
The other woman is perfect
where her rival fails.
And she's never seen with
pincurls in her hair anywhere.

The other woman enchants
her clothes with french perfume.
The other woman keeps
fresh cut flowers in each room.
There are never toys scattered everywhere.

And when her old man comes
to call he'll find her waiting
like a lonesome queen.
Cause when she's by his side
its such a change from her old routine.

Oh the other woman will
always cry herself to sleep.
The other woman will
never have his love to keep.

And as the years go by
the other woman will spend her life alone.

--O'Riordan/MacManus

This melody gets stuck in my head all the time and so I've listened to it all night.
-ask me and i'll sing it for you ;-)

He left today. Yes I know, I sit around thinking about how I'm such a dependent person and how I need to have more on my mind sometimes than him- but sometimes there just isnt. And I miss him.

Yes this entry will be about him. The him in my life that everyone knows pretty well. The him that I hate to share. The him who forgets my middle name but remembers my feelings. The him who remembers how I sometimes get when I'm tired, and forgives me even as I load on him a good irish catholic guilt trip. He isn't the best man in the world, but he is the one I love.

That might seem mean, but its not. I think its a big thing to have my love. Even though it doesn't guarantee the royal treatment, it does mean the world to him, and thats why the world works. (not how, but why)

I drove down to see him before he left, but there is something about him that keeps my thoughts on him long after he's gone. The entire world could catch fire and my mind would wander to thoughts of him. Dangerous eh?
(thats why im not a fire fighter)

I try to think of my blog as something more than just an outlet for all the emotions he brings up for me... but somedays I can't get past it. It's not so bad. I'm still me.

Being in love right now isn't always a comfort. I'm not complaining, but starting college seems like a large undertaking. But I'm not afraid of missing out on anything. Being with joe won't keep me from making friends. There will be more than enough time away from him that I will make friends. I'd be friends with me.

I really want to learn. I need to think. It feels good. I want to learn, and I want to think, and I want to love. Is that asking too much? For some reason I don't think so anymore. I feel good. I like me. The social scene doesn't seem as scary as it did last week. It will be hard not to have someone kiss me goodnight like all this summer, but summers allow what school years don't.

What it comes down to is trust. Not the kind of trust that keeps you from making out with someone at a party... not the kind of trust that keeps you from imagining him making out with someone at some party... but the kind of trust that says that:

I have grown to love you not because I've been around you enough to keep you from hurting me, but because you are the kind of person whose thoughts and deeds have been loving.

You've been the kind of person that I've wanted in my life not because of some wishy washy whim of an emotion but because of a connection. Not because of a large time commitment or crazy sex, but because of a mutual understanding and admiration for one another that makes 'you and I' =something good.

No, we're not married. And no, I don't want to be married. I just really like him in my life. And until that changes-- ;-) it is important for me to keep him there.

So who am I trying to convince? =-) I know thats what its starting to sound like. I'm either preaching or I'm trying to convince myself of something I want to believe. hehe

Or maybe its just the fact that for the first time in maybe a week or two I know I'm going to make it. Saying goodbye to him today,-- and knowing how much he wanted to be with me, made it easier to do.

My love doesn't die easy. And when joe sets his mind to something he follows through. So I know that it'll be different, but it'll be good.

goodnight my love, wherever tonight and tomorrow may find you.

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
May the rains fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand--an irish blessing