so far away. who said anything about the ease of dots disconnecting? i see nothing to be easy. i just keep hoping tomorrow i'll be closer to getting what i need. whatever that is.

its safe to say that i am a sensitive person.

the week sweeps me away and i awake each morning to find myself further from the things that matter to me, and closer to the ugliness that is distraction. not that im in love with focus. it's good to look around, but right now im feeling hungry for some concrete.

its about 2am. i should go to sleep soon, but i havent said anything worth saying and i know that. maybe because my thoughts arent worth thinking, and my relationships always seemed stressed within the limits of a time not long enough for them.

this one is busy, i understand.
that one is alone, i understand.
this one is transitioning, i understand.
that one has a terribly inaccurate image of me.
this one is worried, i understand.

i am worried, i am sick, i am nervous, i am falling behind in my work, i am sleep deprived, i am lonely, i am overly sensitive, i am confused, i am undeclared, i am doubting my ability to learn italian, i am trying to make a good impression, i am trying not to forget to check in on him, i am trying to be a good big sister, i am investigating my soul, i am cynical of psycology, religion, politics, and science, i have no understanding of how attractive i am, i am troubled by not knowing my own voice, i am angry about the car, i wish i still talked to katherine, i feel rushed, i dont know how to make him happy, i hate money, i dont know whether im traditional or free-thinking,

and im tired.

you think maybe he's got a thing for white bears? ;-) look they're snuggling! 

loving you till the 12th of never... 

a beautiful bouquet from my boy