All Your Life

There are days there are times there are places you know
There are faces and voices and prints in the snow
There are words that have meaning and ones that don't
There are people to love you and people who won't
In the night when it's dark and it's thick and it's cold
And you're starving for arms to have you and hold

The days and times and places and faces
The voices and prints and words and people
The love and the night and the arms and the cold
None of it melts none of it dies
It'll never be hollowed by maggots and flies

The pictures you take that come out all blurry
Will get lost and forgotten and erased in a hurry
Cuz none of that mattered despite its exposure
And none of it helps when you're seeking closure
Trying to escape the glimpse you got caught in
That's sown on and scarred your very being

None of it melts and none of it dies
It'll never be hollowed by maggots and flies

there's no way to describe the momentary beauty
that has no power but that which you give it...
it means nothing if you're not there... or if you don't care.
i care. =-)

The Fairest of the Seasons

Now that it’s time, now that the hour hand is landed at the end,
Now that it’s real, now that the dreams have given all they had to lend,
I want to know:
Do I stay or do I go? And maybe try another time?
And do I really have a hand in my forgetting?

Now that I’ve tried, now that I’ve finally found that this is not the way,
Now that I’ve turned, now that I feel it’s time to spend the night away,
I want to know
Do I stay or do I go? And maybe finally split the rhyme?
And do I really understand the under netting?

Yes, and the morning has me looking in your eyes and seeing mine,
Warning me to read the signs Carefully

Now that it’s now, now that the canvits falling smaller in my mind,
Now that its here, now that I’m almost not so very far behind,
I want to know:
Do I stay or do I go? And maybe fall another sigh?
And do I really have a song that I can ride on?

Now that I can, now that it’s easy ever easy all around,
Now that I’m near, now that I’m falling to the sunlights and to song,
I want to know:Do I stay or do I go? And do I have to do just one?
And can I choose again if I should lose the reason?

Yes, and the morning has me looking in your eyes and seeing mine,
Warning me to read the signs
More carefully!

Now that I smile, now that I’m laughing even deeper in this sigh,
Now that I see, Now that I’ve finally found the one thing I’d like
It’s now I know:
That do I stay or do I go. And it is finally I decide,
That I’d be leaving in the fairest of the seasons.

--Jackson Browne

sitting on my couch, surrounded by the smells of illness, trying to pick myself up out of the literal gut renching that has torn my throat bloody and just in general terrorized my body -by listening to the dandy warhols. They aren't doing half bad either. Im feeling so bohemian like you.

sickness to me brings memories. memories of me being sick when i was young. memories of other people having been sick. it was this train of thought that brought me to remember that yesterday it was 3 years since my poppy died, and that in january it'll be 10 years since grandma. John travolta said it nicely yesterday on television... you never get over it, but you get to a point where instead of hurting- you're missing them.

I guess thats where I am now, in many ways. With my grandparents, with some of my friends who dont call or email like I wish they would. Instead of hurting and crying sunday nights... i've just moved on to a different way of feeling. Somethings are just distractions.

if i'd only thought of something charming to say
something that would make it all go my way
one word to make you change your mind and stay
i wonder as sickness turns my blue eyes grey.

Don't wake up

Sleep dear in your dreams please stay
don’t wake up for anyone no matter what they portray
Keep your eyes closed babe don’t let yourself be bothered
Stay far from these problems all those people have fathered.
Oh babe stay pure from these things people do
Don’t let yourself be overcame by thoughts so untrue.

Sleep dear in your dreams please rest
From people on streets with thoughts to protest.
Maybe they are right dear, but who listens to what they say?
But don’t wake up dear, no please not today.
This world is to dark for your eyes to see
This world is to dark for your life to be

Sometimes things can bring you down
From the ideal life you thought you found
Sometimes things can be such a waste
Living a life filled with unbearable haste

--

i don't feel good.
i should have figured such a great weekend would end with my head in a toilet.
there are certain things tho that pick me up... like all the donkeys you can eat, and ginormous teddy bears named fry.

america is in such trouble. we're not long for this world. it doesnt seem like they're giving us a choice this year for who should be president... anyone who thinks bush could use another 4 years wants to see themself happier in korea or worse. tho kerry doesnt seem like he has much of a better plan, and tho he isnt a shit for brains politician... does that mean we can trust him?

if only we could all just write in jim purcell.

i'd sleep better.