Diane Court: I need you.
Lloyd Dobler: Tell me something... do you need someone or do you need me?... Forget it, I don't care.
Diane Court: I need you.

Julia

Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you, Julia

Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering,
In the sun

Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

When I cannot sing my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia

Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Hum hum hum hum...calls me
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia

--the beatles

I cannot sing my heart, but I can attempt to speak my mind.

Nothing like Midol to come to the rescue when we want it.

there are many tones to describe where I am... I'm in a place where I like to be, where its just a little uncomfortable, but I'm still warm. I still don't have an appetite, and I havent eaten in a day... hmm probably not a good thing.

I feel a song inside me. I had a nightmare last night, it was about Cybil again. I never should have watched that movie. It upsets me just to think about it.

I'm trying to figure out the way it'll work. What is the best way to do it, so that everyone is happy. But I know what makes me happy, and thats where things get difficult.

I want to go for a ride... somewhere far, some long journey that involves eating at small diners and sleeping in strangely named towns. I want to roll down the window and rest my arm in the sun and feel the hot sun and the cool air blow my hair in my face. I want to take pictures of the little things. I want to stop time.

monday you can hold your head
tuesday wednesday stay in bed
or thursday watch the walls instead
it's friday im in love

thank god its friday.

top 25 of the best of the best things to do with your fave fella (what? did i stutter?)

1- bake a heartshaped cake with a disparaging inscription (you stole my virginity).
2- a lot can be done with butter
3- go to the MET, interpret "suggested donation" however u see fit
4- while ur there, try to duplicate the facial expressions and hand gestures represented in religious iconography.
5- ride the subway for as long as you can stand the terrible urine smell.

6- attend a private dance party in the Ruth Adams building's phone booths...
7- go to the Geology Museum located on scenic Old Queens Campus. Make out in the florescent mineral exhibit.
8- stay in bed and make lists of why you're better than all the other couples you know.
9- Public Displays of Affliction (crutches, yelling a lot, various tricks...).
10- drink cough syrup until you see god.

11- call your parents and demand to hear the story of your conception. Then deny everything.
12- order a pizza with everything. Be stern and insisten about the everything part.
13- have your photo taken together riding the elk statue outside the New Brunswick Elk's Lodge on Livingston Ave. (i threw up there!)
14- go to the supermarket and pretend its an art gallery
15- co-write letters to the editors of local newspapers concerning things no one cares about.

16- visit your local army recruitment office. Feign interest for as long as possible. When the time to sign your life away arises, ignore the recruiting officer. Instead, make out with your man. Tell the recruitor that you're chooseing to make love, not war.
17- glue your hands together
18- allow something trivial to represent everything wrong with your relationship. Using hushed tones, meekly address this trivial issue with your partner until their confusion and frustration draws out the substance of your actual complaint. Engage in a legitimate argument. Go to bed exhausted.
19- buy a can of whipped cream. Do whipped cream shots.
20- just sit around............ in love.

21- skip the date and text message each other from various romantic locations like the gas station.
22- make snow paintings with food coloring and water in spray bottles. Vandalize your friends' lawns with hearts and shit.
23- get drunk at the Alcohol Studies Library.
24- go to your parents house and have sex in the bed of your youth.
25- go bowling wearing crappy shoes. After your funfilled evening, abscond with new stylish footwear.
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whats your favorite happy ending?

i think mine is the kind that doesnt seem like much of an ending at all.
mine is the last scene of Say Anything when they are both on the plane to england. she's terrified to fly and he tells her that everything that could go wrong always goes wrong within the first few moments of take off.... so when she hears the seatbelt sign ding and go off, she can relax.. and the movie ends with the two of them looking up at the sign waiting for the ding. its a nice concept.. that if you can make it through the harder things, together, then you'll be able to look foward to something you'll never forget. its the kind of happy ending that promises beginning, its my kind of ending.

today was hard. i couldnt focus, and i couldnt eat. last night i was scared to my bone. something inside me was running, running hard. today my heart was recovering from almost being broken. i've never felt more alive than i did when i thought i was about to lose everything i love. suddenly the petty problems became as they truly are, and what was most true took me over and forced me to survive. never before in my life have i feared dying the way i feared it last night. the fear of losing my heart forever. when confusion clouds everything else, it cannot cloud what i know in my bones- that to lose the touch of a hand, the dimple of a smile, or the sound of your voice would be the greatest loss of my lifetime. there are only two men in this world. you, and everyone else.

I better be quiet now

wish you gave me a number
wish i could call you today,
just to hear a voice.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

if i didn't know the difference,
living alone would probably be ok.
it wouldn't be lonely.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

a lot of hours to occupy it was easy
when i didn't know you yet,
things i'd have to forget.

but i better be quiet now,
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on, getting upset.

maybe i have a problem,
but thats not what i wanted to say.
i prefer to say nothing.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

had a dream as an army man with an order
just to march in my place
but a dead enemy
screams in my face

but i better be quiet now,
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on, not over it yet.

wish i knew what you were doing.
why you want to do it this way.
so i can't go the distance,
i got a long way to go,
i'm getting further away.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

--elliot smith

i think ben kweller is just an upbeat (and not quiet as poetic) version of elliot smith. (big ass complement, but i dont think its terribly unrealistic)

i need to get out of here, and get out now. I've made mistakes but now im tired of apologies.

i'm a woman, and i need to be loved. but whats more than that.. is i dont want to be loved from some far off heaven from some god that i'll never see or never meet, I want love I can hear, I can feel, I am human- and it is not too much to ask.

SLIP SLIDING AWAY

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination,
the more you slip sliding away

I know a man, he came from my hometown
He wore his passion for his woman
like a thorny crown
He said Dolores, I live in fear
My love for you's so overpowering,
I'm afraid that I will disappear

I know a woman, (who) became a wife
These are the very words she uses
to describe her life
She said a good day ain't got no rain
She said a bad day is when I lie in the bed
And I think of things that might have been

And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons
for the things he'd done
He came a long way just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and he headed home again

--Paul Simon


There Are Worse Things

not big enough to forget
not small enough to find

i havent seen it lately
i've only had your time

not cold enough to cuddle
not hot enough to hate

you havent wanted it lately
i've only had your time

not fast enough to laugh at
not slow enough to sleep through

i havent felt it lately
i've only had your time

The weekend is pretty much over, and I don't know where it went.

I dont want to impose on anyone. Out of the mouths of babes. I don't want to sleep just now. I didn't write any of the paper that I figured I'd write today. And I ate too much pizza and now my stomach hurts... but at least i have aliens to dream of... =-) I say that I don't want to sleep, but I'm really very tired.

I had this long version of a story that happened to me as I was driving back tonight, but who wants to read something that long anyway.

Its nice when people dont pretend to care. Yeah. When I say nice, i mean honest.