I've been thinking about times before.
 
Sometimes, especially recently-- I've been interpreting the actions of others to mean that perhaps I'm not as equally valued by all, as a sort of extremity of the boy I enjoy most.  No, I'm not thinking dirty, I really mean it.  I've begun to have worries that quite frankly have been anything but settling. 
 
Contemplating hermitage with disturbing seriousness.
I've been told that I just need to have fun.  It's not a bad idea.
 
Oh, by the way: I don't give a shit right now whether I seem emo or retarded.  And frankly I don't care if anyone happens upon this blog and feels anything but solidarity and understanding with me right now. 
 
Right, now that that's settled.  I've been worried that Sean and I aren't going to be able to redeem our friendship.  I mean, I don't want to hang out with him anymore.  I'm ok with waiting till the school year to see him in geology class, but I am worried that we're not going to be able to enjoy each other's company at parties or gatherings because we don't have the trust that we used to rely so heavily on.  Friendships rely on trust.  You can't tease someone unless you know that they aren't going to take it the wrong way (ie personal) and be offended.  
 
I'd just like to be able to put shit behind us and salvage some trust.  It'd be nice.
 
Oh well.  Enough of that for now.  I just really needed to turn this blog back into what it started out as.  An outlet for my ponderings-- so that I don't have any unnecessary nervous breakdowns.  Sorry john- meditation just hasn't been coming naturally to me.
 
    

All You Can Eat

So I'm lookin' at all the people in this restaurant
What do you think they weigh?
Look out the window to the parking lot
at their SUVs taking all of the space

They give no fuck
they talk as loud as they want
They give no fuck
just as long as there's enough for them

Gonna get on the microphone down at Wal-Mart
Talk about some shit that's been on my mind
Talk about the state of this great nation of ours
People, look too left, yeah, look too right

They give no fuck
they buy as much as they want
They give no fuck
just as long as there's enough for them

(piano solo)

So I look at the people lining up for plastic
I'd like to see 'em in the National Geographic
Squatting bare-assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head or maybe a bone in their nose
See that asshole with the peace sign on his license plate
Giving me the finger and running me out of his lane
 
God made us number one cause he loves us the best
Well maybe he should go bless someone else for a while, give us a rest

Just so everyone can see
We've eaten all that we can eat.
 
--ben folds
 
this was the song i was talking about in a previous entry.  i finally found the lyrics.  enjoy.   Oh, and it may seem strange that I enjoy music that basically comes out and says whats wrong with us but not movies... i guess it's the style in which it is done that most effects me.  Most of the time I find songs more clever and satirical... and movies.. well i usually just find them too preachy.  alrighty then.. off you go!