I've been thinking about times before.
 
Sometimes, especially recently-- I've been interpreting the actions of others to mean that perhaps I'm not as equally valued by all, as a sort of extremity of the boy I enjoy most.  No, I'm not thinking dirty, I really mean it.  I've begun to have worries that quite frankly have been anything but settling. 
 
Contemplating hermitage with disturbing seriousness.
I've been told that I just need to have fun.  It's not a bad idea.
 
Oh, by the way: I don't give a shit right now whether I seem emo or retarded.  And frankly I don't care if anyone happens upon this blog and feels anything but solidarity and understanding with me right now. 
 
Right, now that that's settled.  I've been worried that Sean and I aren't going to be able to redeem our friendship.  I mean, I don't want to hang out with him anymore.  I'm ok with waiting till the school year to see him in geology class, but I am worried that we're not going to be able to enjoy each other's company at parties or gatherings because we don't have the trust that we used to rely so heavily on.  Friendships rely on trust.  You can't tease someone unless you know that they aren't going to take it the wrong way (ie personal) and be offended.  
 
I'd just like to be able to put shit behind us and salvage some trust.  It'd be nice.
 
Oh well.  Enough of that for now.  I just really needed to turn this blog back into what it started out as.  An outlet for my ponderings-- so that I don't have any unnecessary nervous breakdowns.  Sorry john- meditation just hasn't been coming naturally to me.