whats wrong with me?

why do i let myself get like this where everything pisses me off?

why do i apolojize for it?

why dont the people who matter the most think of me as their friend too?

i dont want to see anyone.

i hurt so bad

damn i hate losing my blog... in short:

this one goes out to my favorite little man... my sweetheart joshua

The Very Thought Of You
--nicely done by Ella Fitzgerald.. though not exclusively

The very thought of you
And I forget to do
Those little ordinary things
That everyone ought to do
I'm living in a kind of daydream
I'm happy as a queen and foolish
Though it may seem to me
That's everything

The mere idea of you
The longing here for you
You'll never know
How slow the moments go
Till I'm near to you

*I see your face in every flower
Your eyes in stars above
It's just the thought of you
The very thought of you--
my love

I lost the blog I had a minute ago.. cuz of a link i clicked on and bam.. there goes my day. Im so tired. This play really takes it out of me. I found out who that guy is that goes "Ha-cha-cha-cha" is. The great Jimmy Durante. I think thats how his last name is spelled. He was the koolest.. if u recall: "you're the nose of the great durante" was sung in that same voice as I was saying "Ha-cha-cha" in today. So all of you who think im a weirdo.. well u prolly still have no idea what im talking about, so I give up.

I was talking to someone today about english class, ( i do that alot ) and i was talking about the wizard of oz.. and what wicke said about it, and the person i was talking to said something like "oh i hate when people do that to things.. they make them into something they're not." And as much as I can understand what she means (applied in certain circumstances) this time I was kinda disappointed that she didnt share in my excitement over it all. It really isnt that important to me, cuz she's my friend and so it doesnt change anything... i just wish i had someone who would really appreciate these things with me. There are things I dont appreciate.. math and science to name a few.. hehe but english is special. Its just so boundless.

I was talking to my friend who had wicke last year and he said that wicke was basically the reason he came to school every day. Oh i really want to be a good teacher.

You all heard it.. Rich said my face was "bright, hopeful and at times wistful". I'd just like to thank my muse.. who inspired me to look so hopeful while singing sad songs.. hehe

I hurt my jaw... and bit the inside of my mouth and now it really hurts. I had the craziest craving for sushi today. I mean, its good stuff.. but where did that come from???

Well I dont know, but I do know that Im gonna have to walk the plank if I dont hit the math books... so think of me next time u make fun of the stupid 'regulars' kids. No, me get offended??.. not at all, laugh it up, please... im just one of those dumb kids anyway.. i prolly wont even catch on right away. jerks

Epitaph

Please don't leave me wanting more
I hope you never die
There's no need to say why
Just promise that you'll try
To give me all you can
I'll never ask for more
There's a new life thru the door
A cradle rocks and falls
Cements the melody
Our troubles passing

Through decaying, simple times
I'll tread on your tail with pride
C'est maintenant decide
I've nothing better

Please don't leave me wanting more
I hope you never die
There's no need to say why
Just promise that you'll try

--my Badly Drawn Boy


Somedays I just feel like a cartoon character ya know.. the ones with oversized heads that wear mary janes and itchy sweaters.

My costume changes went off without a hitch.. well except for the off-yellow prom dress that wouldnt zipper because i had begun to zipper it so hastily that the turqious material got lodged deep into it's already mangled teeth. So I threw on my sweater ontop my prom dress (yeah i looked spiffy) and headed onstage. Luckily I have a dress that I wore in 8th grade at my confirmation (i think) and it was my aunt's prom dress and its 50 style and material. (Plus it actually fits me so that i can breath! So yeah.. I figured out how to fix the zipper on the other dress, so i zipped it up and have washed my hands of it. Unless Joanne calls me on it.. (right cuz anyone looks at me for the two minutes i wear the dress) im going with the threads i got.

Today was St Patrick's day. And like stephen said, it just makes me think of all those past st paddy's days and what made them rock. (it came down to lots and lots of soda bread) All day today my teachers had 'the irish' on their brains because of the teachers i had human contact with today (which was prolly 4 out of em all) 3 of them either said 1-"you look like you could pass for a girl in england or ireland in the renaissance time (right so my hair was curly and im undeniably pale.. thank u mr spike) 2- "oh she's not irish.. no not at all" (quite astute of u mrs maffia) and 3- "no she isnt irish.. or at least not 100 percent... well look at her, she's standing upright" (thank you mr wicke.. for reminding me of a great cultural pasttime.. bending the elbow) ---but i got him back, i was like... "wait, mr wicke.. ur german, how about u go engineer something, okay?" Ok so im not ready to take my act to the apollo... i got a chuckle out of him.

---perfectly natural... perfectly natural purcell

To show my dedication and commitment I didnt wear my "kiss me im irish" button which is roughly the size of a small spinach and broccoli white pizza at village pizza. Plus i've been warned to be careful about open invitations..lol

gnite.. (im tired.. nice seqway eh?)