Nyquil

I'm just so tired
my brain has just died
I want to sleep deeply
but I can't reach the pillow

I'm just so tired
sickness fills me up
I want to laugh loudly
but the joke's on me

Fill my cup
yeah fill 'er up
Hunny get me up
with your soma drug

I'm just so tired
I can't catch a break
I want to work hardly
but its following me

Fill my cup
yeah fill 'er up
Hunny get me up
with your soma drug

I'm just so tired
my heart's been trampled
I want to love softly
but your love's a thorn

And the nights so long
and this sleeps not come
Everynight is like tonight
I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired

Fill my cup
yeah fill 'er up
Hunny get me up
with your soma drug

Undercover

Say the talk and I won't mind
There's a cause you know I'll never try
And I love you like the one I used to know
And if you never had the time
That's an ordinary problem
And I said I'd like to have a place to go

And you held and you tried
I could never find another
If you walk me to the car park
I won't go
To my left I saw the time
Flash and fall it seemed to swallow you
I could love you like the sister
I never had

Drawing circles in your concrete
I will know your every move
And I'll send you
I'll send you

And you held and you tried
I could never find another
If you walk me to the car park
I won't go
And we held and we tried
There was heart and lust between us
I will love you
I won't let go

'Cos we are one inside these walls
Undercover
We are one inside these walls
Undercover
We are one inside these walls
Undercover
We are one and
We are one
We are one

And you held and you tried
I could never find another
If you walk me to the car park
I won't go
And we held and we tried
There was heart and lust between us
I will love you
I won't let go

We are one (undercover)
We are one (undercover)
We are one (undercover)
We are one

--Pete Yorn


There is something about pete yorn that makes me think of love. I'm not sure what it could be. All I know is that pete yorn makes me think of the greatest love I've ever known, the kind that inspires men to write great poetry and women to smile slyly and use words like slyly.

It's the night time, and as I get ready to go to bed at a reasonable time (for the first time in what is a long time)
And my thoughts begin to wander to where you are.

For a woman I have clumsy hands. They aren't careful where they should be. One of my friends told me today that he is glad I am taking "shaping a life" because he thinks I need to figure out my life before I have kids and they end up like me.

When I do have kids, I hope I know how to love them. I'm not very good at loving people. The love is there, but I'm like a piano player playing bach with oven mits on.

A good teacher is someone who challenges you to think outside your head.

And being a parent, seems to be a lot like being a teacher, only when a parent teaches they challenge you to love outside your heart.

I guess thats the challenge I'm struggling with now at this time when finals and illness are pouring on the stress and making patience short and sourness high.... thinking outside my head and loving outside my heart.

such abstract concepts and somehow they get stuck in the meat.

I seek freedom from the meat that defines me

I miss Joe. I am going to the clinic tomorrow because I want to be healthy....so that i am healthy and so that SOMEONE won't yell at me =-( hehe oh I love him so. He's craaaziful.

I'm not upset like I was before... I've had time, experience, and a chance for understanding to develop... its amazing how having the girls in ur hall come into ur room for the first time all semester and half of them shower u with complements and the other half, with eyes full of fear beg you to explain the essay question from philosophy, world lit etc... and then when they say you should leave ur door open more, that feels nice too.

=-) I'm going to sleep... enough productivity for one day.. I'm gonna get me some rest... expos ends in a few hours... then my child, then I shall be released.


darling.. i could never find another, i will love you, i won't let go.
you are my mr. right-now, and you are my mr. right-always


"Where would I be wihout your love?
Where would I be without your arms around me?"

To Her

she doesnt know
you should tell her
she should know
does that make a difference

she's asking questions
who knows the answer
she knows the answer
does that make a difference

she fears forgetting
dont be forgetting
she is forgetting
does that make a difference

she lives for the touch
the touch burns her
she lives to be burned
does that make a difference

she waits alot
you should notice
she notices
does that make a difference

Should it make a difference
Would it make a difference
You know it makes a difference
to her

--badly drawn boy

sigh im not web savvy, and i guess i got my hopes kinda high. but i think i underestimated how serious an issue this web site stuff is to people. I joke about dissociation, but when it stares me in the face, it's not so funny.

Now I don't know what I want to do, probably I should just delete it, but at the moment I can't even delete or change a link because of the limitations on blogger. No template access for me. Its not the worst thing in the world, but something about this whole thing seems wrong.

I thought that by making a fan site they'd be happy or get a laugh or something. I think if someone made a fan site for me I'd be a little flattered. But I think I misunderstood the sadness of this whole project. If we cannot laugh at ourselves who can we laugh at? Well it's my site, and now i dont know what I'm going to do with it. I guess I could just make it more mine by updating casually but I feel like a slight ass doing that. It's one thing to be a big fan, there is something respectable about that, but its another thing to be a fanatic. I'm not a fanatic, and the difference between the two seems to be the general attitude towards.

I didnt make the blog in order to pay homage to a great band, I made the blog to make something exciting for my friends, and if it isn't going to be seen as that, but an individual project completely fueled by my fanaticism for the music...

I dunno, something about worshipping statues doesn't appeal...

Sorry I'm a little upset, I feel like I just offered a dime
to bill gates

Blew Away

Blew, blew away
But I don't wanna fade
Blew, blew

And if you love her
You know it will come true
And if you need her
You know that she'll be there

Stay awake, I lie here
With her and I fall
And when I wake inside you
I know you know I'm yours

Blew, blew away
But I don't wanna fade
Blew, blew

And if you're sad, too
Until the angel sings and touches you
Don't confuse my only life

I said blew, and please don't ever leave
And I will grieve, and remember thee
Hope to meet you there

And I wanna let her know
That I won't let her go
I wanna let her know
That I love her so

I'm blew, blew, blew away
But I don't wanna--
Blew, i love you
Blew

--JI

And when the sky gets darkest, you only have to hold out a little longer, and hold onto what you know is true, and you'll get through. Friends come out of nowhere, and the people you love, well most of them, they reach out for you just when you need them the most.

I've expected too much from school. College is kool, once you stop expecting it to be awesome. Sure there are things I can do to make it better, like transfer to a school with guys, but it has done right by me in most of the areas that are most important. Something tells me that if I play my cards right Ying might turn out to be a good friend. And thats kool.

I've been thinking about how some of my friends refuse to go to the dining hall alone. I understand what they mean, but I don't really mind so much. There is something about eating alone that used to make me nervous and awkward, but it doesnt anymore. I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin, alone. I never used to know the difference, or feel a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Now I know the difference, and its a good thing to be able to distinguish. I like being with other people, but its more special if its not all the time.

I really love being with the people I like. I'm constantly with strangers, in the dining hall, on the busses, in those huge lecture rooms... and it makes you feel differently about being with the important people in your life. It's not like you become numb to the presence of all the strangers around you, not at all... at least I don't. But there is an exciting energy thats there when you're "with" someone as opposed to being with someone.

Maybe I'm talking crazy talk, but I'm feeling really good right now, and so I figured I'd break the rule of blogging that says you blog when you feel emo, or when a funny thing happens to you on the way to the forum.

I think I'm gonna let ying cut my hair. lol oh god whats wrong with me