Daughters

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

--john mayer

Ok so yesterday i put up Dinner At Eight, and then I heard this song and thought it was sorta a sister song. I think I'm gonna make my dad a cd.

Alright, well I hope my brothers were able to read my last blog and that it wasnt too depressing or anything. I know I'm 20 and can do what I "want". But at the same time, I'll always be my parent's child, and they will always be my parents, and despite their insanity, I love them.

I know that I'm not always 100% loveable all the time. I get grumpy, cranky, tired, etc.

and lately i've been fuzzy.

my metrosexual history ta once again gave me the wrong information regarding the gay marriage lecturer. Last thursday he told me it was over at the ruth adams building at 4:30. So i went and an hour later i was back at my room having found out that it wasnt supposed to be last week it was supposed to be this week. So today after class he asks me if i'm planning on going today, I decide yes, I will go. He says ruth adams building, 4:30, I go. WE RIDE THE SAME BUS. I walk quickly.. its cold out. Half an hour later I find a single flyer saying the event was being held over in the ruth dill crocket building. In case this paragraph was too long, the ruth dill crocket building is not the ruth adams building. Yeah. thank you chris. =-) i like him anyway, but come now. lol sigh.

some people want it all
but i dont want nothing at all
if it aint you baby
if i aint got you baby

good ass song. thats not about asses at all. thats how awesome it is.

john mayer is bigger than my body. no seriously the man is a giant.

i feel beautiful. why? i dont really know. I guess I just feel very loved. Finding out that jeff buckley and i shared a birthday doesnt hurt either. I feel bright, like some dynamic secondary character in this play we're playing ...

speaking of which, im thinking of writing a play. i know it cant be as good as bill's screen play (jim's hysterical friend (as if he only has one) (wow lets see how many internal parenthesis we can fit in here) (ok just two) (i mean four)) but i'll give it my best.

its already late, but it doesnt feel late. ok well my back kinda aches in my shoulder blades from hunching over the puter while sitting on my lumpy bed. a lumpy bed i love like mom's gravy.

danny got me a buddha of hope and An Everlasting Piece. as if my life needed to get any better? pizza ...three words folks : spinach, tomato, garlic

my mom got me a pretty awesome present. she went all out and bought me an art studio practically. canvases, brushes, chalks, colored pencils, oil paints the whole shebang. Even an easle that didnt come in yet. Im not very talented, but i think every once in a while i make something i can't explain. thats when its good. I didn't get a wittling knife. I had asked for that. I also kinda wanted some needles and thread, but being that i told no one of that one... it'll have to be christmas. I really want to experience life. i want to make connections.

i love waltzes. this song, daughters is a waltz. i just realized that. one two three, two two three, three two three, four two three, one two three, two two three, three two three, four two three. =-)

no need to form lines folks... this loving is unbridled

FOR JIM AND DAN

Dinner At Eight

No matter how strong
I'm gonna take you down
With one little stone
I'm gonna break you down
And see what you're worth
What you're really worth to me

Dinner at eight was okay
Before the toast full of gleams
It was great until those old magazines
Got us started up again
Actually it was probably me again

Why is it so
That I've always been the one who must go
That I've always been the one told to flee
When it fact you were the one long ago
Actually in the drifting white snow
Who left me

So put up your fists and I'll put up mine
No running away from the scene of the crime
God's chosen a place
Somewhere near the end of the world
Somewhere near the end of our lives

But 'til then no, Daddy, don't be surprised
If I wanna see the tears in your eyes
Then I know it had to be long ago
Actually in the drifting white snow
You loved me

No matter how strong
I'm gonna take you down
With one little stone
I'm gonna break you down
And see what you're worth
What you're really worth to me

--Rufus Wainwright


Now that my birthday has passed, and almost all celebrations concluded, my mind turns to thoughts of Thanksgiving. No, no living in the present for this little girl- strike that, twenty year old little girl... much better.

I love my family. There is no doubt that at times things aren't smooth everywhere, but that is what a family is. But holidays in our family are always very conflicted times. Some of my favorite memories are holidays spent with family eating wonderful food and enjoying stories and family games. However, holidays also hold for me a certain apprehension, anxiety, almost an uneasy feeling of the unknown. You see, holidays always hurt the people I love.

Ever since my parents divorced holidays have been passed like a volley ball from team to team each year. Thanksgiving day with mom, the day after thanksgiving with dad one year, then thanksgiving day with dad and the day after with mom the next year. To give fair thought to this arrangement, it means twice the celebration, twice the gifts, twice the cranberry sauce, and who could argue with that?

I'm a big girl now, I understand that my parents have their own lives now, and love me very much and want me to be a part of their holidays. I think if I had to go a holiday without my children I'd be pretty lonely, dispite who else I was with. So maybe what I'm actually expressing is a selfish complaint, but it has to be said, cuz it's on my mind and if you can't say what's on your mind, what can you say?

The pain I've felt on holidays, the embarrassment, the shame and humility I have felt while wearing christmas sweaters and easter bonnets, after finding the perfect presents or the hidden pickle, after choking down soupy skinned onions and pineapple filling cakes; all of the pain I've felt on those occassions makes me wonder if this year will be any different, if it will ever be any different. Or maybe my notion of holidays is a far too romantic notion to begin with. All I know is that if you really want to know something about a family, you'll join them for thanksgiving.

Since my birthday has now been officially over for about an hour, I'd like to very briefly thank everyone who made it as fantastic as it was. You all mean so very much to me that without any one of you I would without a doubt be a different person.

My family, my friends, people i hate on the facebook, all of you made this day a day to remember. thanks

gnite scouts

(I'M 20!!!!!!!)

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level Score
Purgatory Very Low

Level 1 Limbo High
Level 2 Very High
Level 3 Low
Level 4 Very Low
Level 5 High
Level 6 - The City of Dis High
Level 7 High
Level 8- the Malebolge High
Level 9 - Cocytus Moderate

Level descriptions: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.htmlTake the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv

Who would have guessed, apparently since the last time I took this test I either became less heretical or more lusty. Goodness me!