Paper Bag

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it
I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

-fiona apple

It has been a day and a half since my last post, more because I've fallen rather dramatically ill quite suddenly. My mom thinks I might have lymes or something. So yeah, there is a thought to brighten the summer.

Yesterday was sunday, and I had made plans to meet up with jeremy in teaneck. Reshma took josh with them to the yankee game, and my parents got to have some time to themselves to go to the movies and just enjoy each other's company. Reshma is good. Danny is still in Maine, and actually today is his 20th birthday. He comes home tomorrow, and I don't have a gift for him yet. I wasn't planning on being so yucky. One of these days I have to get into the city to hang out with jim, but I guess now that'll have to wait.

So, yesterday I made it up to teaneck- though late- armed with a mix cd, Songs Picked by a Grape, Or- The Reason I'm Late. After I found out how much his dog dislikes bass, I regretted putting so little funk on the cd, but hey who knew. I met his mom and dad and we went to a park which is also the location of the county zoo. We saw mountain lions, bobcats, alligators, pig, goats, turtles, owls and other birds, monkeys, ostrich, bald eagles, prarie dogs, and even an ANTEATER. I'd never seen one before, and it looked like something out of science fiction. The tail looked like a peacock's tail, all feather like. Also it looked like it was wearing fringey cowboy pants on its legs. lol

At the park jeremy found a marble which reminded me of MIB. Apparently I am the worst ninja in the world because I was completely unable to sneak up on him.

In addition to all of those animals, we also saw cows. This is important because when we were heading over to the zoo I told jeremy that I had asked my brother dan which animal he would pick to completely erase from the face of the earth. I had picked the cow because of how useful it is. I imagined the sadness and havoc of a world without milk, ice cream, cheeseburgers, leather etc. Danny had chosen the bald eagle because he wanted to squash the patriotic sentiment in the country. Jeremy was a very hard sell on the idea of killing animals, but eventually decided that if he could he would get rid of Pugles. The dog crossbreed of pugs and poodles. He never really got the idea, that we had nothing against cows or eagles, but that it was the backlash that we were interested in causing. For the rest of the day I was the animal killer.

haha

Later we went to palisade park, saw a creepy graveyard, encountered a cop and were sent on our way. All in all it was a pretty good day. Unfortunately I think I am allergic to the boy because almost as soon as I got in the car to go home I felt absolutely awful. My throat was swollen, my head ached, I had a fever and my body was shutting down. I made it all the way home in only a half hour, going nearly 100 the whole way. I couldn't wait to put myself to bed.

I still feel icky. Though they said they werent allowed to use the water yesterday and yet they gave us ice in our drinks. Maybe it was the ice? Anyway, that was my weekend. It is monday now- and I am sick.