Everything is breaking. my computer keeps telling me that the cooling system is gonna cause a meltdown. Meanwhile all other signs in my life seem to agree. Nothing seems to be working out like is should. I don't think I'm supposed to be doing this to people. No one is rewarded when they play the game with me. If you win you only win heartache and headache and if you lose, well you'll linger in my thoughts to torment me in guilt. That is, if you even wanted to win in the first place.

intimacy vs isolation

what happens when you fear them both? what happens when they turn out to be inextricably linked. I just want to be happy again. I feel disconnected. There is just so much I don't see. So much I don't know. I want to throw my computer.

Simple things that don't happen add up. missed phone calls lead to lack of faith in them ever coming at all. And when all the world is leading you in circles you start to realize that there is something that they are needing that you just can't give.