Friends. Lets be selfish, as it's been suggested to me that I try it out, you know give it a spin. I don't exactly feel selfless, but hey, it's not everyday someone suggests being self-centered. Why not? Alright. So friends. Mine are pretty far away. My friends include my older brother, who lives in DC, and who I don't keep well enough in touch with. Also there is my friend in PA, who I havent even met, however he is definitely worthy of inclusion in this small select group. Why so small though? And how are they selected? Well anyway, this group also includes my younger brother who isnt so far away, my roomate christina, and my friend katie who goes to school in maryland. And although I didn't mention two people who in other circumstances I would have mentioned, I think I have good reason for that.

One of my friends has hurt me lately. This friend has always been good for telling me the truth as straight but as kind as possible. And I have valued this friend dearer than them all in certain circumstances. We've had our rough patches, but we're both still standing, and in the same room it seems. That says a lot. However, this friend, when I needed a friend perhaps most of all: was cruel, judgemental, and condescending. It was just a genuinely ugly moment in our friendship. And obviously it bothers me. This is someone I love. Someone I have come to respect, trust, and worry about. Someone I have told the deeper secrets of my life, because I knew they'd be safe. Like I said, we've had our rough patches, and perhaps this is just another one. But it has bothered me. And because I'm still thinking about it, I wanted to get it out here.

The other friend of mine, who would normally be on the list- isnt because our friendship has been hurled into a dimension that is without precedent in my life. We are closer than ever before (perhaps), but at the same time there is so much understanding lacking in the relationship that I just don't know how to handle things. I don't like letting things slip under the rug. And anyway, now that we're in this alternative dimension, the friendship is limited to less conversations of the heart and more awkwardness. And as you can see, those sorts of things bother me.

It's a gentle situation. And lacking both of these people in my life is throwing me off balance.

So there. That was me being self-centered. I don't even like the way it sounds.

I just miss my friends. and I'm hoping they miss me too.