(from) The Late Show

Everyone I’ve ever known has wished me well
Anyway that’s how it seems, it’s hard to tell
Maybe people only ask you how you’re doing’
cause that’s easier than letting on how little they could care
But when you know that you’ve got a real friend somewhere
Suddenly all the others are so much easier to bear

I saw you through the laughter and the noise
You were talking with the soldiers and the boys
While they scuffled for your weary smiles
I thought of all the empty miles
And the years that I’ve spent looking for your eyes
(looking for your eyes)
And now I’m sitting here wondering what to say
(that you might recognize)
Afraid that all these words might scare you away
(and break through the disguise)
No one ever talks about their feelings anyway
Without dressing them in dreams and laughter
I guess it’s just too painful otherwise

--Jackson Browne

so much going on. I have to do the housing lottery, I have to declare a major, I have to make sure that the program I think I'm setting myself up for, is really what I'm setting myself up for (and not just a big terribly expensive disappointment). I have to sort things out. I've never really been a wonderfully organized person. But there's a huge teddy bear on my bed who thinks I can do it. Yeah I know, even I thought that was uber cheesy.

(my italian teacher asked what kind of cheese was made in italy... i said swiss, he just stared at me.......my dad would have laughed.)

It's been a rather hard week. Sleepless nights, nausea, and just being awful to all the people who love me. The song "I Better Be Quiet Now" by Smith is the song of the moment. It seems to know just how to convey what I shy away from. Sometimes it's easy to be abstract about something, because through the lies you find a different way of looking at truth. I think poetry is basically a whole bunch of pretty lies. Lies that get you closer to what matters than any form of true, literal discourse. I guess you could say there really is no true discourse, but at some point, we have to step off Derrida's bus and plant our feet on something we can believe in. I guess it's just human nature. Everyone believes in something. This week I aged a month.
See what did I tell you? I start saying something about something, and lose all coherence.

the difference between my father's blog and mine is that I don't have the facts, I'm more this shamble of open discussion, whereas he's an editorial or a college lecture.

its alright. and today's entry doesnt have to be perfect. it is everything I need it to be right now. just a moment for me to be honest. to be disorganized. hopefully not to be moody, though it happens. you know, it might just be bedtime.

;-) good night, you princes of maine- you kings of new england