Being home means many things to many people, one of those things is gaining weight, and one of those people is me. Hehe.

I was thinking about blogs... yeah I know, of all things- but I was so you're going to read about it. Or at least, I'll imagine you are. Okay, so blogs-- There is something extremely therapeutic about publishing your thoughts and putting them out there, expressing yourself in a public, or at least quazi-public way, and thus forcing yourself to stand behind something. At the same time, you're only as accountable as you let yourself be, because you can choose to be completely anonymous. But is any expression ever truly anonymous? I mean, you know you did it, and although it might not be linked to your name or recognized as originating from you, there is something about you that created it, which gives it value-- otherwise people wouldnt claim that unsigned paintings are really the work of Pollock or Turner. If identity has no impact- then it doesnt matter. But luckily the world we live in is not one controlled by structuralists, at least not yet-- and so who you are still counts toward some unexplainable or defendable element of value.

Like I said before, I'm not very organized in my thinking, or my writing these days, bare with me.

Sometimes I get caught up. Sometimes I move so quickly that I lose track of where I am and what really causes me to feel. I know this is starting to sound like a christmas eve homily- but honestly sometimes I feel like my eyes are either open too wide or too narrow-- at the same time. Overwhelmed by the chronic and crippled by the shooting pains. Trying to keep a spoon on my nose while swimming in the atlantic. Altogether completely exhausting.

rapid fire emotions- can't things just be easy, for a little while?