Running on Empty

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields
In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up 101
I dont know where Im running now, Im just running on

Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But Im running behind

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive
Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive
In sixty-nine I was twenty-one and I called the road my own
I dont know when that road turned onto the road Im on

Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But Im running behind

Everyone I know, everywhere I go
People need some reason to believe
I dont know about anyone but me
If it takes all night, thatll be all right
If I can get you to smile before I leave

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
I dont know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels
I look around for the friends that I used to turn to to pull me through
Looking into their eyes I see them running too

Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But Im running behind

Honey you really tempt me
You know the way you look so kind
Id love to stick around but Im running behind
You know I dont even know what Im hoping to find
Running into the sun but Im running behind

-jackson browne

For the first time in a while I feel good. Italy was really good for me, its like the line from zoolander, when Hansel says he's been scuba diving with spider monkeys and trippin on acid and how that's changed his whole perspective on shit.... italy and the wild boars under the tuscan sun, were my spider monkeys and acid trips. For the first time in a whle I feel young and at the beginning of a life filled with possibility and promise. I've met women at all different moments in their lives, and heard their stories, spent some time thinking about the challenges that they have had to face, and I feel like for the first time, that I'm going to be ok.




For the first time in a while I realize that not getting into grad school was good for me. I realized that what I was most afraid of was not losing a dream, but having to face the uncertainty that comes with not having a clear plan for the immediate future. I've learned to appreciate the sun showers that wait for me every morning outside my window, and the long walks that make me feel capable of getting places without a car, of my own power. It seems silly to think about how good it felt to walk to dunkin donuts this morning for an iced coffee, but I really felt good because I knew that I was strong enough to do it on my own, of my own power, taking my own path. I felt like I was sharing a secret with myself. And for the first time in a long time, I was by myself and didn't feel alone.





As much as I'm excited about getting a job, I'm not scared. Life is going to work out, and it will take time because good things take time. I'm learning to be more open minded about the kind of life that is open to me.





Today I ordered a bicycle online, I'm very excited for it to get here, so I can go farther and see more things. =-)