The following is a retelling, an account of what went on the day Iosephus the Bright weaved his way into an encounter of great mass with an elder of St Joes', and the subsequent consequence of exile. Enjoy his retelling placed here for your convenience, and although the intro naturally needs no introduction, understand that it is an excerpt from a similar epic, known as the Iliad. However I prefer a different translation than the Fitzgerald, and so when I have access to my copy of the iliad, by Fagles, I will put that first paragraph up, because it totally kicks ass, and that's all you need to know. So now here you are, the complete book one, by Iosephus himself.


Anger be now your song, immortal one,
Akhilleus' anger, doomed and ruinous,
that caused the Akhaians loss on bitter loss
and crowded brave souls into the undergloom,
leaving so many dead men - carrion
for dogs and birds; and the will of Zeus was done.
Begin it when the two men first contending
broke with one another-
 
The midafternoon son cast a deathly light over the plains of St. Joseph's High School, as an oppressing air moved in to beat down on those to contend there.  There, the immortal son, Iosephus, held ground and contended with the scourge of this foreign land.  Standing with Princess Genevieve, loveliest of all women, daughter of Neil, and companion of the great warrior, Iosephus embraced her, as the two rested near their chariot.
 
Ares, seething across St. Joseph's, fell upon Scaranus of the donkey ears to make war with Iosephus, favorite of Athena.  Slithering across the black plain, Scaranus came upon the unsuspecting couple, gesturing like a foolish ass.  This, he said to the noble Iosephus:
 
"Could you not...  Could you not..."
 
At this moment, the gods must have struck Scaranus dumb for no words from his mouth came.  The gentle Genevieve, who is said to be of direct descent from the goddess Aphrodite, spoke forth:
 
"Speak, good sir, lest the gods have stricken you dumb.  For we cannot infer meaning from these wild gestures of yours."
 
At this, the gods' seal upon the lips of Scaranus must have been lifted, and invoking his god, Catholick, lashed out against the good lady's fine words.
 
"By Catholick, I declare that you make no PDAs in this open area.  You know, "Public Displays of Affection."  This is the decree of this temples god, for I am the high priest Scaranus!  Do you not understand?
 
Genevieve, seeing a foolish man full of hubris, deemed it beneath her great dignity to further address this aggressor.  Therefore, turning to Iosephus, the foolish Scaranus questioned the great warrior.  Iosephus, who's anger is great and strength in battle unparalleled by any mortal man, glared fiercely into the eyes of his attacker.  For no man who has entered Athena's favorite son in battle, has left unscarred.  The Welted Ass once again addressed the mighty soldier.  Upon this, Iosephus' mighty anger broke forth, unleashing upon this man the blow that sent him back many years.  For, he spoke:
 
"For surely, any man who has ears can hear the words you speak.  I have heard your babble, and it has been noted."
 
With this, the great warrier waved his sword for the foolish man to pass on.  However, not recognizing Iosephus' anger or through sheer lunacy, Scaranus stood against Iosephus.
 
"Are you dismissing me?" the cursed priest inquired.
 
As to speak simply in order to make no confusion for this man, Iosephus replied, "Yes.  I am."  At this Ares filled Scaranus with boldness, and the aggressor banished Iosephus and his beloved from this land.  At this the warrior spoke, "This is most certainly an accursed land, strangled within the hands of a madman.  We make haste at once, before the blood of a fool should soak this plain."
 
With this, Iosephus and Genevieve mounted their chariot to make to depart, as Scaranus slinked away.  Suddenly, upon the horizon, Lord Daniel, brother of the beautiful Genevieve, appeared bringing with him his fellow traveler, Brendan the Swift.  With these travelers in sight, the couple remained in the plains as to exhange greetings and offer safe passage out of this godforsaken realm.

Suddenly, from a dishonorable position, Scaranus cast his spear at the back of the great Iosephus. Fortunately, for the safety of Iosephus the goddess Athena had given him the hindsight to foresee this attack, and easily deflect the dishonorable man’s weapon.

“Lecherous Dog! Consort of Hades! You do battle like the lowest of thieves and traitors!” bellowed the great Iosephus, as he dismounted from his chariot to engage his would-be assassin. However, the slimy Scaranus did not engage him, and passed the chariot as he approached the unsuspecting pair of travelers Lord Daniel and Brandon. He was upon them before they could even unsheathe their blades.

Seeing her brother in mortal danger, Genevieve unleashed a fury from her bow. Her aim was true as she was taught the art of archery from Apollo himself and the bastard dog of Ares was struck between the boot strap and shin guard. She yelled out, “You’re grievances are with us. Would you attack unsuspecting travelers, who have made no transgressions against you? No, surely, you’re grief is with us, and with us you can be made low for your folly.”

Scaranus, paused from his wound, turned to face the lovely face of Genevieve, who should be respected as if a goddess, for she was so loved among the deities that only foolish man dared to cross her. He swore, “By the powers of Catholick, I can make sacrifice of any living thing in this realm. With this god-given right, I will make a hecatomb of the lot of you so to please my god.”

As the asinine man’s words rang through the air, a smile crossed the face of enraged Iosephus, as close combat with Scaranus approached. Unnerved by the fierceness of the great warriors grinning face and fiery eyes, Scaranus whined, “Why are you smiling, for surely you cannot best me here among this plain. Why are you smirking that smirk? I have banished you, why won’t you leave? On my authority as the high priest, I demand that you leave!”

By this point, Scaranus’ voice was but a desperate whimper, as the Iosephus encircled the cowering man. The men’s swords clashed with the sound of lightning as if thrown by the supreme god, Zeus, himself.

Scaranus repeated himself in shrill voice, much like that of a young girl: “I am an old man. How old are you, that you would dare stand against my authority?”

Iosephus replied in full: “You have no authority over the freedom of men, nor over the dominion of the gods. My age has no bearing on this incident. But, I will tell you that I am old enough to wield this blade and smite you down before me!”

With this, Iosephus once again engaged him in heated battle. Sweat poured from the men’s backs and their plumed helmets shone in the sparse sunlight. Scaranus ran toward the chariot, to find cover from the menacing Iosephus, who charged after him with the full fury of a god. Approaching the chariot, the good Genevieve spoke:

“You will not stand near this chariot, lest your eyes fall dark by the shaft of my arrow. This carriage is not to be touched by someone as unworthy as yourself.”

Scaranus spat and cursed, “I am the high priest; I can do anything I wish in this land.”

“We pay tribute to the gods, is your livelihood not dependent on the good will of those sacrifices which you so greedily engorge in your temple?”

Scaranus fell silent, for she spoke truly. Once again, he entered in combat with the great Iosephus. Finally, the warrior brought the engagement to a swift end, disarming his opponent, and holding him at the point of his sword. However, the gods took pity on the foolish man who thought he could best one charmed by the gods, and Brendan the Swift came Iosephus side.

Standing next to the heaving body of the enraged Iosephus, he spoke justly, “Iosephus, charmed by the gods and favorite of Athena, have mercy on this poor ass, that the gods may teach him to live a better life.”

Brendan’s words were just and true. Therefore, the great warrior relented, and smacked the foolish man across the rear with the broadside of his sword, leaving a permanent welt across his back. He spoke: “I say to you, good day, sir. May you thank the gods for the mercy they have granted you, for I would have shown you no quarter.

The defeated Scaranus, with venom still dripping from his words even though he was defanged, rebuked Iosephus mercy. Speaking, “Haha, for surely I have one the day, and I say you are banished from this land forever.”

The Iosephus, anger subsiding, spoke the wisdom of Athena:

“It is a fool that must speak last.”

To this, Scaranus laughed, saying, “I will speak last, I have won the day!” With this the fool limped off the plain, sore from the beating taken from Iosephus.

This is how the great battle between the warrior, Iosephus, and the fool, Scaranus, played out. From this great battle, the fine lady Genevieve along with her champion and the two travelers engaged the power of the mythical thunderbird and made haste to their home in far off land of Franklin.

Thus the anger of Iosephus passed, like a storm cloud dissipating in the wind.