MOVIE OF MY LIFE

When they make the movie of my life
I hope they get somebody beautiful to play me
Somebody eloquent and beautiful to play me
When they make the movie of my life

And when they make the movie of my life
I hope they get somebody famous to direct it
Somebody famous and a genius to direct it
When they make the movie of my life

And everyone will see
How hard it's been for me
How much I've overcome
To be someone
Deserving of a motion picture

And when they write the book about my life
I hope they write about my sexual adventures
My very legendary passionate adventures
When they write the book about my life

And when they write the book about my life
I hope they mention I was very good with children
Good with the elderly and animals and children
When they write the book about my life

And everyone will see
They underrated me
Oh how they disbelieved and misperceived
This living saint and tiger woman

But if they really made a movie of my life
They'd show me going to a thousand stupid movies
And if they really wrote a book about my life
They'd say I read a lot of nothing little novels

And all this is true

And everyone will see
My mediocrity
How I deserve to be
Forgotten just like everybody else

So please don't make a movie of my life
Don't make a musical or write me into fiction
I don't deserve any portrayal or depiction
Please just let me live my little
Very very very little
Life

My life, my life
My life

Yes, yes, yes

--susan werner

"you had me at hello, you had me at hel-"

My dad and I were talking about this song and about who the actors would be who would play us in the movie of our life. We decided to forget about the rest of the message of the song.. the greater one, if you will and just to tease out our legendary imaginations (haven't you heard?) and give flight to this fancy for a while.

We talked about the members of my immediate family and so I'll let you know how they played out. For my father, although he would have liked Sean Connery to play his part, or Jack Nicholson, we decided that it would best suit his character to be portrayed by none other than Michael Caine. He's still charming and funny while also clever and witty without being a mental patient or a Bond, a James Bond.

My younger brother dan, I immediately thought of as being played by Owen Wilson. But my dad disagreed. He thought that although Owen Wilson was laid back, he couldnt quite capture the humor quite right. He proposed actors such as jim carey and we decided that Jack Black was just the right combination of humor, laid-back nature, and complete paranoia.

My older brother jim, was a very difficult one. My dad even went so far out there as to suggest Denzel Washington. Denzel washington is a great actor, a sexy man, and he has a stately name, however through no stretch of my imagination could I imagine him playing my brother. Not that james isnt a stately name, nor do I think that my brother has trouble with the ladies.. but if you haven't noticed Denzel is a studly black man. And well, jim isn't quite that much of a brother, as far as brothers go. I probably will get hate-mail. We decided to go with James Caan because my older brother has a wicked temper but can be very very funny too. Oh and did I mention they have the same first name?

Then, there is myself. I would like winona rider to play me, she has that sort of whimsical charm about her while she brings great intellectual insight and deep emotion to the world... but as far as that takes you, it's not completely me. So we decided that renee zellweger would make a better choice, either her or a young teri garr. Primarily for the comedic aspect of their personality. Another opinion was that Parker Posey was the right match. Cuz I'm the Best in Show.

Upon the discussion of whom the actor is that should play my darling joe, much thought was given to the three required traits the actor must be able to naturally convey.. those being 1- that of the guitar diva, 2- that of the intellectual, and 3- someone with a goofy sense of humor and an affectionate side. This poses a challenge, because how do you maintain such an all over the place character. haha Sean suggested Russell Crowe, Joe suggested ewan mcgregor, but I thought more along the lines of johnny depp, david boreanaz or the most unholy of sacriliges: Harrison ford.

ME: i think joe should be played by harrison ford
SEAN: oh now youre just being silly
ME: haha
SEAN: harrison ford plays no one

I know that neither Joe or Sean are immediate family, but time was given to deciding who our beloved Sean would be played by. Sean suggested that Hayden Christiansen play the role, if he can be lured out of that monotonous tone he lulls in. I thought John Cusack might be better suited for the role. Since I think that every man should be more like john cusack that might be projecting on my part, but I think the shoe fits- (and so in the words of Ms. Brice) "SO WHY NOT?"

I would love to entertain these same ideas with other people... so if you would like to know who you would be played by in my movie about our lives... do drop a line and I will do my best to flatter or mortify you. (as you prefer) Sorry angelina jolie and brad pitt are not available to act in my movie.. something about me not being kool enough or having high enough cheek bones.. whatever man.. whatever.

where's denzel?