my mind's distracted and diffused
my thoughts are many miles away
they lie with you when you're asleep
and kiss you when you start your day
and so you see I have come to doubt
all that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
the only truth I know is you
and as I watch the drops of rain
weave their weary paths and die
i know that i am like the rain
there but for the grace of you
go I

with your face sketched on it twice...

some say that the best part of the day is the few moments you have right before you fall asleep, moments of calmness, relaxation, ease. however tonight is the rare occassion that as hearts break, mine is one of them. without the care of a few, my mind, my body, my spirit would be just as broken, just as lost. but despite their kindness, im afraid tonight is a sleepless night. there will come not a moment of calm to my mind, nor relax to my body, nor ease to my heart.
i've been told by the grand authority on the matter- not to be scared. but im the 'easily frightened' type. im the jumpy girl who startled during The Incredibles on Thanksgiving. I don't know how to process it all. by tomorrow (or later today) i'll be past talking about it, letting it instead just gnaw at my gut as if it were cold leftovers from last thursday.

im not going to italian tomorrow. i dont care. i just couldnt be made to care.

i actually still have a paper left to finish... but i really needed that walk. the rain seemed appropriate. i just feel so far away. i've been naughty this year, and i hope santa's been paying attention. my hair is curling from the humidity. there is something about looking someone in the eyes when you're hurting that makes you feel completely vulnerable, but to see the caring in their stare, to see understanding and empathy reflected on their face, it gives you a certain strength that maybe all is not lost. my confirmation name is hope. i guess i should be patient.

'everything will be alright, my darling in the end.
so please my love, play your sweetest song for me.
you know, the one you wrote that always makes me cry
and while you create our second love, i'll hum the memory'